Good morning exquisitetobe - I don't think that Vanilla comes by here too often these days and I don't know anything about cognitive behaviour therapy.
What I do know is that over time, as I've gotten distance from my own ex, that the stress knots that I get are lessoned. You and I went through very different experiences though with your's being much more traumatic.
For me, I think it's part of the letting go that we need to do to become healthier. It's undoubtedly harder for you because he keeps inserting himself in your life either directly or through the kids.
From the outside, you seem to do better when you are angry at him, or when you are finding Joy elsewhere. A friend of mine is divorced about 10 years also from an abusive husband. One of her boys is getting married soon and she like you is a normally strong and outgoing woman. One who has built a new successful life. But when we were talking she was really bothered by even the thought of having to interact with her ex. I know that you've managed that with the help of friends and family.
For me, I'm dreading the inevitable few encounters I'll have with my ex but have managed to avoid thus far for years now. Seeing her across the street on the rare times she sees S24 still gives me a twinge. A mix of anger, sadness and jealousy.
I wish that there were easy answers. Lean on your friends and family. We'll help hold you up. Hopefully someone who knows more about trauma and recovering from it can have something more concrete. (((exquisitetobe)))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
