Hi DjV. Glad truth came out at last. They were things that you already knew...I´m sorry for how painfully still they were...
You are a healthy girl DjV. You are a role mother for your three kids, for all of them. They count on you. So you can stand there proud of the walk you have taken.
Keep the GAL coming, you keep moving forward with your family. Can´t avoid comparing your H with myself. I had the lapse of reason to see that what I was doing was against my own believings. But it´s up to him to figure out what he wants. You can´t be around, you are the healthy parent. You can not save him, I´m sorry, really sorry girl.
Time and patience with your sitch, with your life and your GAL. Mind reading is unnecessary. You move forward as usual, shining bright. Your are the DB princess.
DV I'm glad you're enjoying the convos with the new guy. Hopefully all the differences don't become more serious issues down the road. Sometimes a couple give each other a lot of free reign to do their own thing, so maybe y'all will be like that. Good luck and have fun
Neffer...you are so much more aware of yourself than my XH. He just runs from person to person trying to find himself in them. His mom says he has always been insecure and deeply sensitive to perceived rejection or disapproval. She says he is always drawn to strong women but then soon feels inadequate and judged by them. Looking inwards is something he avoids at all cost. I made a career out of protecting him from himself. Not my job anymore.
My kids were so, so sweet tonight. They really are the light of my life. My daughter left a note on my IPad that I should take $10 from her account for a gift and I’m not allowed to say no...lol. My son can’t seem to go more than two hours without hugging me like his life depends on it and saying, “Mom...I love you soooooooooo much.” My heart almost breaks from the sheer joy of it.
Thanks AS. New guy and I continue to have these marathon text sessions. Lots of jokes but also some interesting philosophical conversations. He beat stage three colon cancer 13 years ago and it sent him on a journey of self discovery and gave him a new appreciation for life. Must be where all of his positive energy comes from. Anyway...I am enjoying the conversations. Hoping to be able to have some face-to-face ones in the near future.
With my sitch in the home stretch and for the most part being settled, I've not been on here as much as I have in the past, but I saw the great support you've been giving hope2019 and so I wanted to see how you were doing.
Well the cat is out of the bag with the confirm of the affair huh? For most of us our waywards can make us believe all these elaborate other reasons for why they do what they do, but sadly most just end up being simple cheaters. FlySolo said it best and I agree, your H is an idiot. Pretty much for all of us LBSs on here the one who left us simply was nothing more than that.
I personally think it's great that you are dating, heck just talking to other guys as friends. As you find other guys who find you interesting and you they, it will do wonders for your detachment. As you've said you're in no rush. I go back to just because our spouses were idiots and left us doesn't mean that there was anything really wrong with us so beyond a normal period of grieving, why not get back out there if you feel you are emotionally ready to do so.
Also I love neffer's last post to you. You are finding your independent strength and you are free of your H. His path to walk is his alone. Meanwhile you can focus on yourself and your family free of his dysfunction. Beyond what you write within your own sitch, the words and encouragement you've provided to others show to me that you are transitioning from who you were when you arrived here to becoming a reluctant, but wonderful DB veteran.
Thanks for dropping by B! I am glad your sitch is winding down. It is amazing how liberating it is when you get through the worst of it. Still not 100% healed but very well on my way. Thank you for your support.
More OLD fun last night. Decided I was getting a bit too focused on Facebook guy so chatted with a couple other guys last night and have a couple of future dates...after I get back from my holidays. One is with a guy my age who lives about 45 minutes away. He is 6’5”...finally someone taller than me... and has messaged me on and off since I started all of this. He is pretty attractive in his photos but he describes himself as “simple”...lol. He has been texting me every once in awhile on Tinder. TBH...I was kinda surprised he asked me out because his contact with me as been so sporadic. When I told him I would love to have coffee with him, he said he was as happy as a kid the night before Christmas...lol. He has the look of a “player” in his pics so I was really shocked that he said that.
The other guy I am probably going to meet just for fun. He is 12 years younger than me and has the same name as my XH’s affair. For some reason, I thought his name was Jack (thought I read that on his profile). I told him about his name twin and he said I could go ahead and call him Jack...lol. Jack looks like the type of guy I would have fallen for in high school. Boyishly cute with a mischievous smile...like he is thinking about doing something he shouldn’t. He is also a musician. Anyway...he and I have been chatting from the outset. Him flirting with me and me telling him there must be someone out there closer to his age that he would like.
Did chat with Facebook guy again last night. He texted me a couple of things yesterday that made me think he is enjoying talking to me but is uncertain about where this is headed and maybe is a little worried about how much we are in contact. Thank gawd for that because I’m in the same boat. I thought he would probably back off from texting me last night but no... texted me a question... “Is it possible to feel in love all the time in a relationship?” and sparked a really good conversation. He agrees that love is an action and a choice and understands that the first phase of a relationship is a chemical reaction that has a biological shelf life and that the “work” starts after that has faded. He gets that on a rational level but, I think, but I think still hopes for the fairytale. Real love is different from that.
Anyway...time to jump in the shower and get ready to face the day. Love and (((HUGS))) to all.
Second full day in San Diego. Yesterday was whale watching in Newport Beach. Saw a couple of grey whales but even better, hundreds of common dolphins and then four bottlenose dolphins as we were coming back in. Got lots of videos. It was a beautiful day.
Today was the zoo. Talk about a maze. It is also my 12th wedding anniversary so I sent my STBXH a text saying that I couldn’t say happy anniversary anymore so I would just say that it was an amazing day and thanked him for the memories. Honestly meant it too. Life is too short to hold grudges. Can’t say we will ever be friends because friends don’t do what he did but I am also not going to be stay upset about it. It is what it is.
Facebook guy and I continue to text a lot. Sometimes we just make jokes with each other but other times we talk about some pretty serious topics. I find myself liking him more and more and am forcing myself to talk to other people so I don’t like him too much or start to have expectations. I get the impression he is trying to do the same thing. He said he has talked to me more in a week than he talked to his ex in four months. I told him I had him beat and that I have talked to him more than I talked to my ex in four years. Sad but true unfortunately.
Coffee guy still texting me. Not sure what to make of him. He seems way to interested in me for how much contact we have had. I told him I didn’t have a US texting plan so was trying to keep texting to a minimum. So he’s basically been sending me Good Morning and Good Night texts. IDK... I will probably still go out for coffee with him but I feel like his expectations are a bit too high. Hopefully he won’t like me when he meets me and it will be a moot point.
Have also been texting with Jack a bit still. I still think he is too young for me but he is fun to chat with.
Had a nice chat with my MIL last night on the way back from whale watching. Told her I was really happy and surprised at how much better I feel now that I’ve had some time and space. I think she is hoping I start dating Facebook guy. She likes that he is into gardening...lol.
ANyway....break time is over. Got to round up my kids so we can find somewhere to eat. Hope all is well in DB Land. (((HUGS)))
Day Three in San Diego. Today was Sea World. My daughter and I went on both the roller coasters. My son, of course, passed. We enjoyed ourselves but man, Sea World sure has you right where they want you. We paid $27 for parking and I bought three drinks and two small bags of chips for $18. Crazy. Also...there wasn’t very many sea creatures compared to all of the gift shops and food booths. Regardless, I am glad we went to see it. The kids had a great time.
Six foot five coffee guy has been texting me every day. Today he sent me a selfie. No idea why. I really do not get people who take so many selfies...lol. Anyway...physically he is definitely my type but I don’t think it is going to go anywhere. Partly because I am a bit too fond of Facebook guy but also because he seems a bit too into me for never having met me. That just bothers me for some reason. Maybe I’m making too much of it? IDK.j
Facebook guy and I are still texting every day. Not too much today because he is working a long day but I’ll probably hear from him tonight. I wonder if we are going to see each other again soon or if he is happy just to text me a lot...lol. He does live an hour away from me so one of us would definitely have to go out of our way to meet. I think I will leave it up to him to decide.
STBXH is probably in the air flying to Hawaii right now. Other than right at this moment, I haven’t really given it much thought. I can feel myself really letting him go and it is such a relief. I so do not want to go through something like that again.
