Clinging to Hope

[hope2019]

I think I'm slowly moving into a new phase, sort of...I know there will be back and forth. But when making decisions I am no longer thinking, "what will H prefer?" or "what leads us closer to R", I'm now ALSO thinking "what makes most sense for me?".

With that in mind I have delayed the attorney appointment. My focus right now needs to be on me, my work, my consistency and I know a mid week attorney appointment will cause me to spiral.

I'm struggling to balance the LRT and not being cold. any tips/advice appreciated.

He is used to me being the talker, so I'm not talking, I'm staying away, in my room and trying to just answer with a smile when he asks things like how are you? Good but I worry it comes across as cold.

He said on saturday that he needs a chance to miss me, so I figure now he is home for a decent amount of time (has done 1-2 night at a time in the last month since BD, then I should ensure my daughter and I are living our own life and pulled away as much as possible. Does that sound right? I figure it's good either way, it will help me to move on or it will help him miss me to come back?

I genuinely think he is having a breakdown and doesn't realize it because his close friends and family are so supportive of him and his actions right now and so anti-me. I figure that bubble will burst one day and hopefully not when it's too late.