I do think I need to get better at managing my emotions. I also think I did pretty well listening to him tell me how angry he was with me for an hour, and he really didn't like it when I tried to set a boundary and end that part of the conversation. I cried because I was upset, and it would been better, I think, for me to just have said something like, 'you don't look like you're in the mood to have a date night tonight, let's try again another time' but you live and learn.
Cordial messages today. I sent encouragement, he was nice. He also texted me this evening to let me know he was out playing football and I shouldn't think he was ignoring me if I texted again and he didn't respond. It's good to see that he is getting out and taking care of himself (this is very new - him being social and exercising) and also being considerate of how I might feel. I just said I hoped he had a good time and I was pleased he was taking time for himself in the midst of his work project.
I am tired. But it's been a good day. Had IC this morning and talked about the ways his anger trigger either placating or defensive responses in me, and how much of that is to do with how and how much of it is to do with my past. I still am not sure about that, though I am working to heal my past and I am pretty sure I don't want an R where he is stuck in expressing anger rather than wanting to move on to make a repair. I am not making a decision, but I feel a bit clearer. I am a little anxious about how things might pan out tomorrow though I do need rest and that's more important than mulling that over tonight.
I think if it comes to another date - and neither of us has suggested that - then I might suggest a walk. We're getting a dog soon and I will be taking lots of walks. It is GAL for me but it might also be a low pressure way to spend a finite amount of time together without pressure. I suspect a silence will feel more companiable and less stony than if we were staring at each other across a dining table too.
