Don - I am gonna consider putting in my next OLD profile "Looking for the Yes Dear Type"...
KML - He was over the top. It was not me. His comments were not just nicely stated opinions. They were rude and insulting. I do appreciate honesty. I am not looking for someone to agree with me on everything. But there is also a way to say things to people. I
Ginger - We definitely have to get together! Maybe later this spring? Its an easy train ride for both of us. I agree with you about not trusting myself.
Regarding commenting on another's parenting... Its a sensitive topic. What Ginger said all the way. Sometimes kids sense something askew when meeting a new boyfriend or girlfriend - and they act out - become attention seeking, take advantage of their parent whom they can tell is trying to make a good impression on a new person. One day of your kid being bratty, does not indicate that someone is slack in their parenting. Or not raising their children well. It is easy for someone that is not there every day to judge. I personally, do not want to feel judged.
Now there is a way to go about it if you are a step parent or living with the family or an intimate partner and you feel that you have advise that might help. You really do need a tribe to raise a child. I think Dawn has it mastered. But I think the key is that the person making the suggestion really should love your kid first before they say something. It is obvious that Dawns suggestions have been made out of love for her kids. Her suggestions have been made with sensitivity and thought and on her background in education and motivated by love.
BF was debating with me because I chose to not put my son on meds. There is no debate. Its my decision and I made that decision based on our experience with meds and based on my sons improvements without the meds ( his argument was made off of what worked for his child). There was another debate over a surgery that was not even recommended by the doctors - just an option for my son. Ex BF was pro surgery - yet he has no medical background. He was arguing how my son will get made fun of when hes older if we do not get this surgery. I honestly felt like he did not know what the hell he was talking about and was basing his argument off of god knows what but not on the facts or research or data. I started to feel like his advise was more ego driven, not really thought out in a way that was tailored to the individual. I felt like he was just trying to assert authority over a child's best interest And that's when I started to dismiss even the potentially good advice. And here is the other issue, I never asked him for his opinion in those cases.
Now if the child is interrupting or being rude to the boyfriend or girlfriend on a personal level it is OK to state your boundaries..."I am talking. Can you please wait your turn" is acceptable if the other parent did not say anything (sometimes we just tune out and I know I am not on top of everything) or if you see the kid about to put a bottle cap in their mouths - please by all means! But different parents have different rules and its best like Joseph said - to maybe ask the parent privately instead of correcting the kid... Like "hey, is it ok if your son is climbing on the wall like that. I see he is scraping up his sneakers" and I could respond with either "good point, Son get the hell off that wall!" or "nah, its ok. I intentionally put him in his old sneakers so he could climb and play and get some energy out". Don't just call out to the kid "Get off that wall, your ruining your sneakers" when you are the boyfriend or girlfriend. That is making assumptions and establishing an authoritarian role you have not been given yet. (yes BF did just that - and I had to cut in, no its ok. Hes allowed. And then he debated with me about ruining clothing articles and I had to explain I do not spend a lot of money on quality clothes for my son cause I know hes a wild beast and my priority is letting him just get his energy out and thats not a battle to pick with a hyperactive kid)
I think leave the correcting and disciplining up to the parent until you have connected with the is child better. And observing the rules and parenting style before you inflict your own is crucial as well.
