13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

Thank you very much for that insightful post - I am, knowing my ex, going to assume that she is merely trying to co-parent, and thats fine, however I am going to stand firm on the fact, that small day to day stuffs such as groceries and what not, are not things I have a need for her to co-parent on. If I go down that road, we will stay attached in a way in which I have no desire.

One of the things that my IC and I have talked a lot about, is my self worth. The fact that she and OM openly made a plan (I saw the text string on FB), for how to stab me in the back at our MC session, and that had been planned for weeks while they had multiple physical encounters, is the biggest betrayal anyone ever has and probably ever will do to me. Yet I was so low on self-esteem, and so scared of standing on my own, and fighting for my beliefs, that I was ready to let that all slip under a blanket, and continue on my merry way, had she chosen to. <-- Thad would had been a fuchin disaster eventually.

I think, the reason I am struggling with the co-parenting boundaries, are because today I realize, what actually went down. How little it took, for her to drop the rope on her family and 13 years. Having only been back working for 3 months from maternity leave, she began a PA with a coworker. And with my "new" eyes, I simply pity her. I have realized, that my problems were my demons to work with, and I did, however, she has some major issues on her own, and they are hers to fight with, if she ever realises.

I realize, how badly I was treated, discarded and dumped on the street, when I was at my lowest, and needed her love the most. And yes, I know it must have been terrible to be with a partner that is going through depression, but even if that ment we had to part ways, it definitely did not justify the way she went about it.

So struggling comes down to the fact that 1. we co-parent, and we will be good at it, for our kids sakes, no question.
2. I feel like she feels justified with her decisions, and she is perfectly in her right to do so (can't change another person), however I see it differently, and I dont want to come off rude (again f*** her feelings really, but I dont want to harm our co-parenting relationship for the kids sake), however I need some advice on some good boundaries / sentences that will allow me to make it perfectly clear, that 1. we are in this for the best of our kids, so they can have a great life with good rolemodels. 2. Thats all I want from you, and other than that, I really have no wish for you being in my life, the way you treated me.

I hope it makes sense.

D5 cried again today in daycare, and I took the advice of leaving, and stood in the hallway, and she stopped within a minute, so that was really helpful, even though I am a soft dad, cause it stung handing her over when she was so upset.