I don’t know if they started out as roommates or what but whatever the case, I think he is making a big mistake. I would have more respect for him if he stood on his own two feet and worked on himself but he’s not doing that. He’s jumping into a relationship to avoid it.
Aren't you being hypocritical when you are currently dating and are obviously still hung up on your husband? Do you think that is fair to a potential partner?
That R talk is the last one. There was no purpose to it other than to clear the air. I know what it looks like from the outside looking in but I know myself well enough to know that it was a talk I needed to have...and it was at talk that he needed to have as up until yesterday, I had not let him apologize to me. I was not trying to get him back or anything like that. There were just some things that needed to be dealt with and we did. There was no other outcome expected or needed. I think it benefitted both of us.
Re: me being a hypocrite. I don’t think so. My H left one live-in relationship and went directly into another without a day in between. For me it has been seven months of being alone...four years, seven months if you want to be completely accurate. I am not living with anyone or promising anything to anybody. I’ve been up front with the people I’ve met that I am not looking for anything serious and primarily just wanting to meet people and expand my circle of friends. I haven’t slept with anyone...I haven’t even kissed anyone. I don’t see myself being hung up on my H. Are ALL my feelings gone? No. But I am nowhere near where I was when this started. I am healing. I am moving forward but I’m not trying to find another husband. I am fine being on my own. So far, I’ve met one person who is quickly becoming a good friend. He knows exactly where I am at and I know where he is at. He has an amazing spirit and outlook on life that I am drawn to and we’ve had some really good conversations. I think he is someone I will learn a lot from. If it becomes more than a friendship in the future, I think I would be very lucky to have him for a partner. For now though, he is my friend and I like him a lot.
As always...so grateful to have the people on this board looking out for me and asking me the tough questions. Much love to you all...
Well yesterday was an unexpected bump in the road. Normally something like that would have set me back a few weeks but I am feeling pretty okay. I know that his affair is just that... he is a broken person making himself feel better by hopping into bed with the first person who looks his way. The fact that she was having medical problems and her last relationship was abusive makes it even that much more appealing. He gets to rescue her and her kids and feel like a hero when to everyone else that knows what he has been up to, he is the exact opposite. I think he thinks that everyone is just going to accept his new family and forget the fact that he faked medical treatments for four years and basically abandoned his wife and kids. He is delusional in that regard. His mom is beyond ashamed of him. She’s very worried about her will now. She does not want any of her money going to that woman and her kids.
Anyway...l am moving on. There are way better people out there who would never even think of doing what he has done, let alone actually do it. I am just going to focus on GAL and be the best role model that I can be for my kids so hopefully he will have less influence on who they become. I will make sure that they understand that cheating on your partner rather than trying to work things out when you have a family is absolutely 100% wrong...no excuses. No child of mine is going to be capable of that kind of behaviour. I will always, always, always stress honesty, honour, integrity, loyalty, commitment and self-respect. My H has demonstrated none of those things.
Been texting with Facebook guy from my hometown. He makes me smile. I thinkd he has come into my life for a reason. Not sure what it is yet but I am looking forward to getting to know him better to see what that might be.
Oh djv6, I feel for you. It’s tough facing the truth, even when you knew what was likely true all along. I’m sorry. Did he have any remorse for his actions? My ex thought he was a rescuer too. But It was all for show. Such a shame to throw it all away. (Shaking my head)
I hope you get to a place of acceptance and peace. I think you are on your way! Enjoy meeting new people. Sometimes we need to be reminded that even though awful things have happened, we’re not awful people.
Your trip with the kiddos sounds like a blast! I hope our weather cooperates for you. If you get a chance, go take a walk in the Carlsbad flower fields while visiting SD. If that doesn’t make you smile, I don’t know what will!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Re: me being a hypocrite. I don’t think so. My H left one live-in relationship and went directly into another without a day in between. For me it has been seven months of being alone...four years, seven months if you want to be completely accurate. I am not living with anyone or promising anything to anybody. I’ve been up front with the people I’ve met that I am not looking for anything serious and primarily just wanting to meet people and expand my circle of friends. I haven’t slept with anyone...I haven’t even kissed anyone. I don’t see myself being hung up on my H. Are ALL my feelings gone? No. But I am nowhere near where I was when this started. I am healing. I am moving forward but I’m not trying to find another husband. I am fine being on my own. So far, I’ve met one person who is quickly becoming a good friend. He knows exactly where I am at and I know where he is at. He has an amazing spirit and outlook on life that I am drawn to and we’ve had some really good conversations. I think he is someone I will learn a lot from. If it becomes more than a friendship in the future, I think I would be very lucky to have him for a partner. For now though, he is my friend and I like him a lot.
As always...so grateful to have the people on this board looking out for me and asking me the tough questions. Much love to you all...
We are on a journey in which our situations began uniquely but is following a path that is leading us to a common destination: Liberation, self-worth, and freedom.
Let me ask you this, when this whole thing started, did you see yourself where you are now?
Pax - Some remorse I think...in the moment...when he faces me and has to face himself. But once his is out the door...who knows? He is a broken person. I am better off than he is, by far. He has no ability to live on his own and stand on his own two feet. I am actually kind of sad for him. He is not living an honest life and he hasn’t for a very long time. He has to live with that and he can’t run from himself forever.
Phoenix - I think I always had faith that I would get to this place. It has been a really hard journey and I know it is not completely over but I definitely feel like the worst is over.
Been texting a lot with Facebook guy. It is funny... he is not what I would call my normal type. We don’t have a lot in common other than we both grew up in the same hometown. He has a number of tattoos and I have none. He is in amazing shape. I am a work in progress. He is a sun worshiper and I like hot weather but usually you will find me in the shade...lol. Probably why I don’t look my age. He has a high school education but is his own boss and owns a couple of houses and has no debts. I have three university degrees and work for the government and I had no debts before my separation but they are small compared to most people I know. He likes to backpack and stay in hostels. I like a nice hotel...lol. So not exactly a perfect match. But there is just something about him that I am drawn to and my heart definitely skips a beat when I think about him. He is very much a man whereas my XH is more of a boy. When I met him on Saturday, there was no awkwardness at all. I liked him immediately and he looked just like his pictures (unusual in OLD apparently]. He gave me a big hug [we’re both huggers] and we talked non stop until he had to leave. Since then we’ve probably spent at least two hours a day texting. So it appears that maybe there is something about me that he likes too? Anyway...I have no idea if this is going to turn into anything but I am definitely enjoying getting to know him. Kinda [censored] that I probably won’t see him again until after I get back from my trip but maybe that is a good thing.
Anyway...sleep time for DV6. Definitely need my beauty sleep.
The guy sounds really nice. I would heed some caution though. There is no awkwardness because there is no history. Everything is a blank slate. We can be anyone we want to be which means he can be anything he wants to be. I am not sure if it's you've been texting two hours a day or that you know it's two hours a day that scares me more. Slow down.
I do not think you are a hypocrite. I do think that you still harbor resentment and feelings towards your H. Yes, betrayal of the highest order, he is a coward and a [censored], but it should no longer matter to you. The fact it does says you still have feelings for him.
And I am not raining on your parade. If meeting new people was what it took for you to find out what we here have always known, then it was absolutely what you needed to do. You DV, are a woman of worth and any man should be proud to have you on their arm.
I stick by my initial assessment - your H is an idiot. But he no longer matters because you are no longer defined by him.
You always have words of wisdom to pass on. The anger and resentment I have has been dissipating. Confirmation of his affair and his upcoming trip to Hawaii with her caused a resurgence for sure. I know it will pass. I think I will always have feelings for him on some level. I work on forgiving him every day.
Re: Facebook guy. Again...thank-you. I will be careful and heed your advice. I do think that people come into your life for a reason. What that reason is remains to be seen. TBH...I suspect he and I will end up being friends in the long run. I just enjoy talking to him.
