[DonH]

I would never criticize the parenting skills of anyone that I dated nor ever say anything about their child unless I was directly asked for my opinion.

Never? Really? Never? So if after you start doing things with doctor and her son, son interrupts her while she is talking to you and you see her haul off and smack him in the head so hard he cries or draws blood, you won't say anything? If the three of you go to a restaurant and you see her son take cash tips off of a table and put it in his pocket - you won't call it to her attention? What about if she just shrugs and says "ah he's just a kid." I mean, my point is, I don't think to never say anything or never criticizing is the answer either - is it?

My real point of posting, however, is to say JuJu I can tell how difficult this is for you and how much you really are willing to look at it - at least with us. It also reminds me how very difficult all of this is - likely yet another part of why I'm hesitant. I would not want to be either the dumper or the dumpee. I think you are trying to look at all sides here and you are so correct, there always are two sides and we are only seeing one. He might have a very different viewpoint in all of this. Maybe he is gaslighting - maybe he is not. Maybe he is being critical, maybe he is not. Maybe you are being too sensitive and really don't want to hear anything negative, maybe you are not.

But let's say, both of you are... he is critical and blurts out what comes to mind with little filter, and you don't want to hear circumcision, believe in positive feedback over discipline and don't want either in your life. Let's say that is the case for both of you. If it is (and I think I'm at least more correct than not in this) the two of you are just not a good match. He needs someone that will ignore him or give him his crap right back and you need someone who is going to be your number one supporter and cheerleader. That's okay - for both of you - you are just not each other's match.

In the end, I don't think he is a bad guy, he's just not for you. I think you need someone who is going to be very supportive - kinda a "yes dear" type of guy. And there is really nothing wrong with that either - it's just not this guy. I think you need to keep this in mind with the next guy. I think you focused so much on who is not your ex that these other things were both unknown and overlooked. Now you know. You need a really positive guy that will let you do things your way and at least not criticize it but hopefully praise it. That's just not him.

Don't beat yourself up over it all. Don't blame yourself. You will likely start to feel better over the next couple of weeks. More importantly, you have learned a lot over this past year. You are so much better off in not trying to continue with someone that may not be your ultimate long term match. There is nothing at all wrong in that - in fact, I so wish more people had the guts to do it. I am very impressed by how you have handled all of this and that you were able to see it through - VERY IMPRESSED.