Be kind to yourself, I made a lot of mistakes during those early dates and I still sometimes get very emotional and dh has a hard time dealing with that. But in a way you can't help it, these are big scary life happenings and you will get upset and emotional and take things the wrong way and over-react. You're human. And he might too, though men seem to have different ways of being over-emotional which seem harder to spot. Dh seems to go blank faced for example. I've found that breathing techniques can help to calm me down, the other day when I was going to meet dh at the pub I did a 4 5 8 breathing which seemed to help (breathe in for 4, hold for 5, out for 8). There are other means of calming down. Maybe even saying to your husband 'I'm sorry, I'm all upset, give me 5 minutes to calm down' might be useful?
I think that dh and I have both got better at repairing things over time, and I think that's even more important than who gets upset and when. Getting upset disturbs the safety of your relationship, but conflict is inevitable so better to learn how to deal with it going forward than to think it won't happen. Like the way I got upset on Saturday because I felt rejected that dh was only staying for an hour. He didn't really repair but I kind of did clumsily and then afterwards I worked out why I got upset and what he could do to help in future and then told him. Other times the best repair he can make is to give me a hug and I ask for that. I'm not sure yet how I repair, I think I explicitly try to put the argument aside and make peace, there are probably other methods I can learn. I have definitely got less extreme in my emotional reactions over the last 6 months, but I think part of that is feeling that it's less likely that dh will leave for good, so that is a real chicken and egg situation. If you think there's a chance your husband is going to walk away forever then that is by nature a hugely threatening situation and bound to threaten your sense of safety and induce huge fear. Feeling like it's less likely allows you more room to not panic, to breathe, to be a bit calmer and therefore to react less out of pure emotion.
I do think you need to take the pressure out of any future dates, face to face in a restaurant is the worst method. Walking has been really good for us, we've always walked together anyway but a walk is just a walk, and being side by side encourages more ease and means less pressure, plus you can be silent if you're feeling upset or unsure. If walking isn't to your taste then going for a drive can be good too. But I'm sure you two have your 'thing' that you did when you first got together or that you've done together over the years, try to work that out or even find something new. Is there something both of you have always wanted to do?
