Yes, I think there are unique aspects for both distancers and pursuers. Though if your spouse walks away then they are by the nature of the dynamic distancing. The getting your needs met thing: I think that's a vicious circle regardless of which you are. Both of you are complaining about the other person not meeting your needs, and if you're a pursuer you're criticising and if you're a distancer you're off making new friends or burying yourself in other stuff. So you both have in common that you're focusing on the negative aspects of the other person and not seeing what their needs are, and you both have a need for intimacy which is difficult to ask for and even harder to do in the relationship.
I listened to another interesting podcast today, the relationship experts being interviewed were very open about the work they have to do on themselves (after decades of marriage). She said that she is good at multitasking but then when her husband wants attention he gets hurt that she's not being present for him. Gosh but that rang a bell. Something I need to work on.
A few back and forth texts today, he asked me how my work was going which was very new (he knows I have a deadline I'm going to struggle to meet on Friday). I sent him a funny link to something and he made a joke back. This is nice. Tomorrow I'll ring him, texts are fine but it's nice to talk too, and it's usually him who rings me so I need to make the effort instead.
