I do agree. I think our sit down yesterday, was really really good. Unfortunately, she can't move out until next month. She did say this to my sister: vindictive and angry at her.
When I talked to her about what I talked to my sister and BIL, I just said that my sister just is checking on me and saying she wishes I wasn't going through this. BIL is neutral and helping me not be emotional. She then mentioned the vindictive and angry towards her. She thought I was going to do something to her in divorce to screw her over. I told her yes, I am angry. You are having an open affair. Why wouldn't I be angry. I said but that doesn't mean I would try to make you out as a bad mother to the children. She is a great mother to them and cares. This WW and affair fog has done something to her. I am just hopeful she wakes up from it. Then that is when we discussed the temporary moving out to give space and time.
I understand that space and time heals. I also know I can't control what she does. It will be easier and healthier that she isn't in the house. I can focus on me and focus on detaching. I know that I might sit there sometimes and wonder what she is doing, etc. But it is better than knowing when she leaves and arriving at the house (knowing where she is going) and messing with my psych.
I just don't know how much time it will take or will I be willing to take. I did tell her that I am not willing to do this temporary thing for years. I told her lets give it a couple months, and go from there. We shall see.
I am happy but also been bawling because of this decision. I know my marriage was already lost. I know it will be difficult on the children. But in the end it is the best for both of us for us to be apart as much as possible.
I just hope she works on herself and she is going to continue IC even outside the house. Right now, she is still benefiting from my health insurance. I don't know a timeline that typically sees changes. I don't know what type of loss she will need to occur (if there is any) to wake up out of this fantasy of being "alone" and free to do what she wants.
All I know is that I can focus on me and detach and try to go from there. I refused to leave the house. At least I stood my ground on that front.
And I definitely understand the b@lls can cause conflicts while they are in the house. The drinking and yelling/screaming is already done. I feel calmer. But definitely don't need to give her ammunition to do that. Every time I want to say, she wouldn't do that so I don't have to worry. I find out that those are famous last words when it comes to WW.
