You are very wise. And it strikes me there's particular and different challenges for the LBS who is a distancer and the one who is a pursuer.
For the distancer, they have to draw close in ways that aren't pursuit while also not forgetting that there are behaviours from their pursuer that need to change if there is to be an R, and drawing close to a pursuer risks making them so happy they don't bother looking at themselves or doing the work.
And for the pursuer, they need to drop the rope and wait for the distancer to come back, deal with the fear that they won't come back, and never get so happy when or if the distancer comes come back that they forget they have their own bottom lines and changes to be made.
I guess I need to reflect on this more for my own situation. I know I've been so focused on getting my needs met in the relationship, and angry that they have not been met, that H had felt his needs and his feelings haven't mattered. So I hope the supportive texts are a way of showing that they do matter to me. AND it is true that he's been very very withdrawn and used remote silence as a punishment and his anger as a 'get away' strategy in ways that just aren't compatible with me wanting to R. So I think I need to be gently supportive, go dark otherwise (so support him, don't talk about me) and see what that looks like. I don't plan on committing long term to a R that looks like that though.
