MLC? Confused what to do (Part 2)

[sandi2]

So I would be curious if you still think this is WW behavior, Sandi.

Absolutely!

I think Steve and I can respectfully have a different point of view on this situation. I don't see having her leave as giving her opportunity to sleep with OM. She's been sleeping with him for a while now. IMHO, it is worse when she's living under your roof, benefiting from your provisions, sleeping with the OM, and disrespecting you in front of your kids. Google IHS and see if anyone suggests doing it when infidelity is involved. I have not seen any professional type recommend IHS when a spouse is having an affair. From what I saw, it recommends agreeing to ground rules; that it's understood the S is temporary and the couple will continue the MR. It was recommended mostly in order to give some space.....like a cooling off period. The couple should set an amount of days for this cooling off period, and then go back to sleeping in the same bed. Nowhere did I read that IHS is recommended b/c one spouse wants out of the M and/or wants to date & have sex with other people.

The other reason I did not support IHS in your case is b/c of the intense atmosphere. Look at the angry reactions.....combined with verbal abuse in front of the children. You thought she was being cold about your child falling, well she was angry at you, and she took it out on the child..........b/c I'll bet you were being a lot more sympathetic toward the child than you were in past times. You are trying to be a more attentive father, and she thinks it's a ploy. It rubs her raw! Everything you do makes her mad! Even tending to your child when she falls makes her react in anger. (The anger is part of her wayward mindset.) You both are a heartbeat away from some type of domestic violence. With her drinking, staying out playing GGW, and sleeping with OM........it's leading to something worse. If she calls the cops and makes charges (real or fake), they will arrest you. And, I'm not sure you are completely innocent. As your W said, we only hear your side, and you've made reference of having something else to work on (other than drinking). Anger issues, drugs, or whatever else may be in addition, only raises the risk factor.

So, I still feel that both of you need time apart in order to deal with your issues and heal as two separate adults. As long as you are under the same roof, your deep wounds stay afresh.

She wanted to make it clear to me that this had nothing to do with the OM and this is about her never being on her own since she went from her parents house to living with me. She has never been in control of her own life as she said.

She's lying. A mother does not walk away from her children in order to see what it's like to live on her own. Besides, she will only work part time? Pl...ease! That's not making it on her own. That's a paid vacation!