Thank you KML, TBSAKA, and Zues (would love an update)
This has been hard. I have been crying a lot lately. it’s not like there were all bad qualities in him and I understand you guys are hearing my version of events. Maybe he was gaslighting. maybe that’s just how I am describing it, because obviously I need to feel I did the right thing and was justified? Or maybe not.
His point of view was that he says things without malintent. That he is trying to help with his advice. And that I hold everything in and throw it at him after 8 months and that I waited till stage 5 to bring this up instead of stage 3.
Each incident that occurred, I did not have a response for him.
I think I snapped and then sulked a bit and stored it up. He did not think these incidents were anything big. And the incidents were based on jabs directed at me. The jabs don’t bother me if done with humor. But like I said, there was anger and impatience behind his jabs and that’s what bothered me. I’m positive of this.
My thought was that, we don’t see each other that often and had only been dating a year, so to feel anger and impatience towards me now is not a good sign. In general He yells a lot and gets angry a lot (not at me. At things I view as little though like the dogs or dishes not being done) He says he is never that angry. That expressed emotion was a lot for me though.
Someone else might have responded to the jabs with humor, or rolled their eyes and said something and just forgot about it and moved on. Because that’s life. That’s reality. It’s accepting people’s flaws or mistakes. it’s being familiar and intimate with someone maybe?
But I couldn’t do that. it bothered me. I felt like he was causing conflict and drama when there didn’t need to be any. I felt like he was disrespecting me. It felt like it was too much of what you get in a 15 year relationship when you live with person and have little kids running around and your just exhausted. Not what you get when that date or outing is supposed to be your nice time out away. If that makes any sense.
He feels like I’m just looking for someone that will always agree with me and just keep quiet.
I think maybe he put me into 6 year relationship zone too early without building enough of that good feeling - honeymoon portion. We didn’t have enough history to be at that level. I think for him, it was settled. he loved me. Would deal with my flaws and wanted investment. Figures you can’t have it all and accepts to be in a relationship.
There are definitely going to be somethings I really miss and worry I will not find in someone else. I did love him. I will really miss his daughter.
I think something else that’s hard is being on the other side of things. It’s tough cause I’m seeing how my ex must have felt about me. He never voiced his issues with me just like I never did with bf. I’m experiencing what it feels like to be the leaver.
Ugh.. this just really [censored]. It’s really hard.
