But it's almost as if women are asking men of the 21st century to stop acting like men and more like women? When it comes to emotional intelligence there is a good reason why both men and women both carry feminine and masculine frames. When the opposite frame dominates the existing person they don't exude their natural personality and sexuality. Ever notice of effeminate guys are with bossy women who manipulate and control them?
Myself I fall right in the middle I have a nice balance between the two, which I'm sure has made me passive aggressive on occasion?
If you are implying that listening and validating is wimpy or girly then you completely misunderstand it. It is simply communicating to her in HER language instead of YOURS. As a result, she will think you are more masculine and mature because you "understand" her and "know what a woman needs". The problem with most guys is that they are so busy acting like spoiled frat boys around their spouses that they start to think that is normal male behavior and it is not.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Quick question. Yesterday during the day my wife went out, did not tell me where she was going. I had plans to go out in the evening. She was not sure she would be home in time when I had to leave, so I got a babysitter. I was meeting up with friends at a restaurant. It just so happens as I am driving through town where there are a lot of bars and restaurants, she sees me driving and then calls me, where I was and I said the town and she said funny I am here too. She said what are you following me? I told her no I am meeting friends for dinner like I said. But she didn’t believe me. When I finally parked I text her if she wanted she could come and have a drink and I told her which place. Of course she said no. I know today she is going to probably ask questions or accuse me of following. How do I handle this? It is a very popular town.
She fired you as H, why are you suddenly concerned about what her perception is of your GAL activities. If she's asking you 20 questions then GOOD, because you WANT to be mysterious to her. Do not offer up any info if she doesn't ask. And if she does ask, just be brief in your replies. "Where did you go?" "I met some friends for dinner." "A FEMALE friend?" "No, it was a mix of people." "Who were they?" "You don't know them, just some friends from XYZ." Anyway, you get the point. Be honest but don't be overly open with your answers.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Yesterday she was in a bad mood and was on the attack. She expressed how angry she was all the time. So I asked her to explain what makes her so mad.
Great job of validating instead of dismissing her feelings!
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She said why couldn’t I have changed a while ago, she wanted me to be like this a long time ago. And she doesn’t believe that my changes are real.
Yes she still believes it's "too little too late". This is why you have to stock to these changes for a long period of time, because right now she doesn't believe them.
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I said I understand your concerns but I told her I could truly understand if this was only for a week or a month but it’s been months I have been doing theses things (I know I got away from validation for a second).
I'm glad you recognized that because that's exactly what I was going to say. When she says things like this just keep up the validation. "I hear you saying you are frustrated because I didn't change sooner, that must have been difficult for you to go through."
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One of the things that is driving her nuts, in the past when she would yell and scream I would yell back, now I stay calm validate and give her boundaries. When she yells, in a calm voice I ask her please don’t speak to me that way, in front of the kids I ask her to not yell in front of the kids. She tries to push my buttons and there are no buttons to push anymore.
Good, not sure why that would drive her nuts but stick with it.
