I am new here.

[krull]

Imagine, my best friend right now is a Bobba fett alarm clock.

[krull]

I am OK, but, the song needs a better solo.

[Tryhard]

At least you still have a sense of humor . You got any plans for the week buddy ?

[Jamine]

Hey Krull, I definitely feel for you. One day is great, the next day feels impossible. Try to focus on all the good that you're doing for yourself and others right now. You sound really motivated, hold onto that and keep up all of the positive changes.

[Ready2Change]

A few days ago I considered suicide, that was most scary thing that has ever crossed my mind,

Please seek help if these thoughts continue.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again."


Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

[DejaVu6]

(((Krull))). I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that there are many, many people out there pulling for you. The sadness and grief is very normal. It is horrible that you can’t see your son. The selfishness of some people is so unbelievable. I am not sure your W is worthy of your affection if she can keep your son away from you like that. We are all pulling for you Krull. I know it seems impossible right now but time and space really does help...whether you want it to or not. Please, please, please...if you start to have suicidal thoughts, call your local crisis line. You WILL get through this...you just need to give it some time. (((HUGS)))

[AnotherStander]

Krull, often when we go through this it triggers what they call "situational depression", often paired with anxiety attacks. Thoughts of suicide are not uncommon, but people don't want to talk about it because society attaches a lot of shame and stigma to depression. But depression is an illness just like the flu and can be treated. If you are even contemplating suicide that's a strong indication that you need help. Especially if you've worked out options on how to go about it (that's typically what counselors look at as a red flag that you need emergency care). See your doctor and get evaluated, they may want to put you on A/D's and/ or set you up with some counseling. Don't take this lightly and don't postpone it, the sooner you address it the sooner you will feel like your old self.

[krull]

(((Krull))). I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that there are many, many people out there pulling for you. The sadness and grief is very normal. It is horrible that you can’t see your son. The selfishness of some people is so unbelievable. I am not sure your W is worthy of your affection if she can keep your son away from you like that. We are all pulling for you Krull. I know it seems impossible right now but time and space really does help...whether you want it to or not. Please, please, please...if you start to have suicidal thoughts, call your local crisis line. You WILL get through this...you just need to give it some time. (((HUGS)))

So, against my wallet I went to get help, I am not really sure about taking pills since they made my depression worse, I did some research on natural treatments and it seems to be working so far, I am still sad and I miss them like crazy but I do not feel like I want to end my life, I still stay really busy, working out, taking my meditation classes, also meditating at home. Going out and the nightlife does not work for me, I tried to go out and be social but I just can't be around drunks and their shallow point of view, maybe my journey has become a quest for more than just be a person with a smile on the outside and a funeral on the inside.

[krull]

Hey Krull, I definitely feel for you. One day is great, the next day feels impossible. Try to focus on all the good that you're doing for yourself and others right now. You sound really motivated, hold onto that and keep up all of the positive changes.

Yes, your descriptions is really accurate, there are some days when I tell myself I can do this and some when I feel the my world is over, I have not stopped, I am in the best shape I have been in 10 years, it does make me feel good ( I just wish my W wold notice).

Today from a social media post by one of our mutual friends I saw a picture of her, it made me really sad, I do not go on social media to spy on her or anything,she blocked me from every site, I swear I do not try to go there to spy on her. Any way IT still made me feel like a tool, when we were together she will go out so see a show and I would stay home with the kid, in 5 years I never had a night out with the boys but she she did and still does, I feel used.

[97Hope]

Hi Krull. I'm so sorry you are down. I suffered from depression for most of my marriage. Some seasons better, some I could hardly make it out from under the bed.

I did counseling, pills, acupuncture, you name it. I finally found a lady (Christian counselor) who specialized in EMDR therapy. It was a game changer. I have nothing against the meds, but I tried them for 7 years and sometimes they helped but when they didn't, I, too thought of suicide.

When I wasn't thinking about suicide, I was seeing ways that I might die, and I was telling myself that the world would be better off, I would be better off, dying.

What I'm saying is, our situations etc might not be the same, and my solution might not be yours, but I wanted to tell you that you will NOT always feel this way. I have met others who have made it to the other side with depression, anxiety, PTSD and situational depression. Don't give up, is what I'm saying. Keep knocking down doors until you find help that helps you.

I don't know what your faith is, but I started listening to sermons online and that helped me immensely. I was able to hear the truth (I am loved by God, my identity isn't in my illness, my worth doesn't come from others) and that was just before the EMDR, and I still listen to them.

You aren't alone. No matter what 'the fog' is telling you right now. Reach out. Bless you.