MLC? Confused what to do (Part 2)

[SteveLW]

Anthony, I do not mean this as a 2x4 since the water is already under the bridge. I mean it more as a cautionary tale for other people struggling in there sitches. But this is a clear example of impatience, leading to breaking DB principles, escalating the sitch to levels that it is best not to escalate things too.

Talking to friends and family, AND especially talking to your WAS's family is a flat-out bad idea. And this is why. It is rarely seen favorably by the LBS and will almost always be seen as rallying the troops against them.

Also, following her to her room and insisting to discuss things? Not necessary. A firm but calm "I will not tolerate your talking to me like that in front of our children." and then walking away would have been the better way to handle this.

Also, you have been so insistent on her or you moving out. I know sandi was advocating you getting her to move out, but you seemed fixated on it. Yes your WW is asking for time and space. But as we've discussed that can be done with IHS. Yes, there are those of that post here that are in disagreement on IHS. However, I still maintain that the only reason a WAW needs her own place is to sleep with other people. I know OM is sticking in your crawl, but I don't see how you or her moving out helps with that. In fact with your lack of self-control I can see lots of wondering what she is doing in your future.

Finally, your lack of patience in letting her work through her stuff is working against you. BIG TIME. We all went through being told we were the reason for all of the WAS's problems. Yes, it appeared that there was no hope. IN ALL of our sitches. WAS. WS. Doesn't matter. By time we get to a BD, we are now the whole of all of the WAS's problems and their only solution to their problems is to jettison the LBS. And when the LBS applies pressure and pursuit, and that is all you've done since you've been posting here, it cements that believe in the WAS's mind. That is what GAL and detachment, along with 180s is all about. It gives the WAS the time and space to realize that the LBS is NOT the source of all of their problems.

One last point, and then I'll let sandi and the real experts help you from here on out, but for all of her insistence that she is done, she went and looked at the phone bill. That is not the actions of someone that is "done". By way of comparison, my WW didn't give a flip about what I was doing. I could have brought an OW back our house and banged her in the marital bed, and she would have shrugged her shoulders and said, good on you! SHE DIDN'T CARE. That is how far gone my WW was, and still came back.