13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

Hi guys.

So basically, Im good, and I am feeling well.

I have dropped the rope (well I've tossed it to be exact).

I have been doing some really good progress with my IC lately, and have acknowledged the fact, that I matter. <-- This might sound like something ordinary, but I have really struggled with my selfesteem, and also with being happy with me as an individual. This has two major components tied to it:

1. My depression really screwed me up when it comes to positive mental attitude, self-esteem and being okay as an individual.

2. The way I was cheated on, lied to and completely disregarded as a human being by my ex, really made me think even less about my self and my capability as an individual..

I am way better today, I am in the shape of my life, me and my kids have new habbits in this new life of ours, and I have very little interaction with my ex.

I am continuing to work with my IC, and will for a long way to come, because, I am better now, however, I still feel like I am on thin ice from time to time, and I feel like I am learning all over to be who I used to be. A happy content, upbeat and social guy, who excelled at sports and loved life. I want to be there again, so I am working hard, although I am taking my time, patience is key for me.

I don't want my ex back because of how I was treated, and because I see a pattern in her actions. A woman that completely disrespected me, and still does from time to time when she doesnt get her way. A woman that put her two small kids needs completely aside, and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I deserve more, and so does my kids.

I dont have a need for such a person on my life, but she is, and I acknowledge the fact that she is the mother of my kids, and I will co-parent with her for many years to come, however that is it.

I will demand respect, by that I mean, I will speak up if she talks down to me, or treats me with any form of disrespect. She is no longer my spouse, and I have no intentions of letting her getting away with disrespecting me no more than I would let the clerk in the supermarket disrespect me. I am better than that.


So I have a question:

My D5 is really having a hard time with saying goodbye in daycare these days. She will cry, and hold onto me tight. Its new, and she hasn't done this before, and I can't but help think that it is because she only has one parent at a time.

I blame my ex, because she is making my daughter hurt, and that makes me hurt. I was frustrated this morning in the car because of it. I know, that I am not going to get anywhere by talking with my ex about this, so I comfort my daughter to the best of my ability.

Just for the record, I will NEVER talk their mother down in front of them. She is their world just as much as I am, and our problems are not theirs to deal with nor participate in.

Am I going about this the right way?