DV, I think it's great that you feel neutral about your cowboy date. It's awesome that it wasn't bad (or worse: creepy). And it's actually probably great that it wasn't magical. This sounds like it is a great foray into the dating world so you can continue meeting new folks and not get hung-up on one person right off.
Thanks Yail. Yes...I was super happy about the neutrality of my experience. I really did have a good time. There weren’t any major sparks on my end but there was enough that I would go out with him again. I’ve never really just dated for the experience of dating before. Prior to my H, I dated a few people but it was always with the mindset of finding my life partner. I’ve come to the realization that the only “life partner” I need or can really count on is myself. I have a lot of love in my life and the most exciting part of this journey is that I am developing love and appreciation for myself...flaws and all.
Tonight I am hosting an Epicure cooking class. Looking forward to it even though it means I have to clean my house...lol. It’s usually pretty clean anyway so shouldn’t be too much work.
Tomorrow is a hike with my sister and then I have Monday off to do some house chores, get my hair cut and start planning for my trip next Saturday. Can’t wait. We are going to have a lot of fun.
Had a random text from my H yesterday... a picture of an electric car at his school with an extension cord running out of a classroom window. He took a picture of it and sent it to me saying “I thought you would appreciate this.” Strange. He hasn’t sent me anything like that since all of this began. Not going to wonder about it though. He was right...it did make me laugh.
Firstly, I am loving your adventures and look forward to living vicariously through you
I don't think you're at risk of rebounding. In fact, apart from your dates being dates, you are not that different from me. You are enjoying the company of others. I love sitting across from them, over a meal, or a drink, and just being there. Sometimes I share my story, sometimes I don't.
Anyway, great updates. I have taken a liking to the facebook guy your sister is stalking.
Re your text from your H. Take it for what it is - an attempt to connect. He no longer sets the temperature. You define the relationship you want with him going forward.
Thanks FS. Always great to hear from you. Facebook guy texted me a few times this morning. He is actually in my town to get a tattoo finished. I suggested to him that he should stop by to say “hi” and he is thinking about it. He has his youngest daughter with him and she is at the mall with a friend so that is the only complicating factor. Pretty sure he doesn’t want to bring her with him...lol. So...we may meet today, we may not. I’m not to worried about it one way or the other. I think we are a match personality-wise probably but very different in the activities department. I checked out his facebook and it looks like he spends every free moment working out, running or hiking into the mountains. I have done all of those things in moderation but could never get fanatical about any of it. I think he probably is looking for a fellow fanatic. . But who knows...
So...met Facebook guy. He dropped by my place for about an hour in between visiting his aunt and getting his tattoo. Before anyone says anything about safety and inviting someone over to my place, I am pretty mindful of it. But...he is from my hometown, we know a lot of the same people, I checked out his Facebook page and it is filled with posts and pictures that screams “I am a great guy”. And...it turns out he is...lol. I liked him immediately. We are both huggers so he gave me a big hug when I met him and mentioned that I am taller than I looked in my pictures. Sigh...I love being tall but so far, it has put me at eye level with every guy I have met...lol. Anyway....that aside...we talked nonstop for about an hour until he had to go and then he gave me a big hug goodbye. I really liked him. He was easy to talk to and very positive and friendly. I’m not sure we are a “match” for anything serious though as he seems really fanatical about getting outdoors no matter what the weather and loves to garden. I’m a fair weather outdoor person and I don’t have plants in my house for a reason... they wouldn’t stand a chance of surviving...lol. Gardening to me is a chore. So... to have anything between us we would need to meet somewhere in the middle and he does not seem like a meet-in-the-middle kind of guy. Still...he texted me on and off last night and sent me pictures of things he was doing and the dinner he cooked himself.
I also heard from country guy yesterday. He waited until around noon and then texted me to thank me and tell me he had a great time...with emojis...lol. I texted back that I had fun too and left it at that. I got the impression that he liked me and I did have a good time, for sure, but I’m not sure I am attracted to him enough to have much more than a friendship. Plus he lives an hour away, works four nights a week (I work days) and I think is ultimately looking for a long term partner. Pretty sure I’m not her. So that is a bit of a conundrum.
Had my Epicure cooking class last night. My guests bought so much stuff that I ended up earning $245 worth of free stuff and four half-price items. I felt bad because I didn’t know that I would get that much free and my sister bought a few things that I could have ordered half price and saved her a bunch of money. I told her that she could host a party at my place in the summer and have the free stuff.
Overall, I think I am in a really good place these days. I was reflecting on it last night. I’ve added so many people to my life that I would not have added had this not happened to me. It really forced me to take a look at my life and realize that I alone am responsible for my happiness. I am enjoying being me and finding ways to reach out to others and take charge of my life. I am a better person and better off because of it. I lost the life I thought I would have but the gift of time has shown me that I was never going to have that life with my H and the mindset that he had. I’ve let him go. He has his own journey to take. I hope that he isn’t just jumping into another relationship to make himself feel better. I hope he is standing on his own two feet and asking himself the tough questions. Time will tell, I guess. I don’t spend much, if any, time wondering about it these days.
Next weekend is my trip to San Diego with my kids. Can’t wait!!!
Well...he FINALLY admitted his affair...kind of... he’s trying to feed a line of BS to his mom that he moved in and “it just happened”. What a crock. He is such a coward. He can’t admit to anything. The only reason he said anything to his mom is because I told him he had 24 hours to tell her or I would. So...not super proud...but I went off on him. All the crap I’ve been storing up for four years just came pouring out. I told him I regret ever having met him....and a few other choice things. He introduced our kids to that woman in the summer! That is just so gross to me. His mom said she saw her as she was leaving his place and she couldn’t believe it. “She’s not even pretty.” You always expect that if your spouse has an affair, it is going to be with someone prettier or smarter or in some way better than you. Apparently not. But...she was in an abusive relationship and has had medical issues so he gets to be a rescuer and a “big man”. He is such a small man in my eyes now. I am sad that I have to co-parent with him and that my kids are exposed to such a poor role model. He actually thinks that they don’t have any feelings about what he is doing. Ugh.
So...not my finest moment, for sure, but I will find a way to take the high road. Unlike him, I always try to do the right thing - even if it is the hard thing. Ugh...just heard a door slam. I think he is here. Write more later.
Well...that was tough. Just had the hardest, yet most honest, conversation with my H than I have had in a long time. It was really, really difficult but somewhat cathartic for both of us. Started off quite angry and defensive but we eventually broke down and said some things to each other we probably should have a long time ago. I’m feeling pretty emotionally drained but also okay. It wasn’t an angry talk in the end...just a sad one...for opportunities lost...and promises broken...and words unspoken...
He somehow knew that I was dating. Not sure how. He also seemed to think I have someone at his work spying on me which is crazy. No idea where he got that idea from or who he thinks it could possibly be. He also admitted that he knows this woman from work. I don’t know if they started out as roommates or what but whatever the case, I think he is making a big mistake. I would have more respect for him if he stood on his own two feet and worked on himself but he’s not doing that. He’s jumping into a relationship to avoid it.
Facebook guy continues to text me. He is really, really great. Super positive and emotionally and physically healthy. Someone you would want to have for a friend. I’m going to definitely stay in contact with him regardless of whether or not we actually end up dating. It might be better to just be friends, TBH. That way I can make sure he stays in my life...lol.
Anyway....bit of a stumble for DV6 but I’m getting back on my feet. That talk needed to happen.
Sorry to hear about that emotional talk. I hate those....it makes you wonder, wish, hope, grieve and after all that he still isn't ready to try anything different.
Keep progressing!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Oh...and I forgot to mention. He and his girlfriend are going to Hawaii for a week. Ironic. The last time we were supposed to go to Hawaii, I ended up going by myself. That one’s a little hard to swallow. I’ll be in San Diego with our kids and his mother and he will be with his affair. They are leaving the day after our 12 year anniversary. He probably hasn’t even thought of that. It is what it is I guess.
Wow DV, you've had a busy few days! Sounds like you're taking your time on the dating which is good to hear. 6 months post-BD is still a little too soon in my opinion, so just be careful. Please understand that none of these guys just wants to be your friend. If they are in heavy contact with you then it's because they want to be in a R with you. If you just want to be friends then be clear about that as early as possible.
I'm curious why you keep having the R talks with H? It seems to really drain you. Not sure what is getting accomplished?
