So during a texting conversation, STBX bf made a comment about how I needed to be more humble regarding my parenting skills and son. He went on to say how I should know I am a great mom and should not need to tell others how great me and my son are doing and that I should not need accolades from others. So it was like a criticism mixed in a compliment or vice verse.
It made me mad. His wording was “the issue her is lack of parental umuility”. I just felt like, who says that to someone?
He prides himself on his honesty and told me he does not like to sugar coat. he sees absolutely nothing offensive to a comment like that.
I talk about my son and my parenting in a very positive way. It’s true...
1. I struggled so much with my son when he was younger and I am really proud at how great things are going now. I was taking him to special OTs 3 x a week in rush hour traffic - it could easily take 45minutes to an hour to get him to these places. It was tons of wear and tear and mileage on my car. We were both exhausted. But my son is now able to not only join karate but he’s in the middle of the other kids in terms of coordination and skill. That is huge for us. I make it known about his academic skills because his behavior and social skills and physical skills were so under developed. I visited specialists and read a lot and made sure I was proactive with the school. I did not wait for them to come to me. I set things up myself and made sure they knew his strengths and weaknesses and how he excels from day 1.
I did all this while I was going through a divorce and dealing with corrupt lawyers and finding out my ex was a secret addict and depleting marital funds for years.
2. I think that when it comes to children, lots of positive reinforcement is the way to go. Consequences didn’t work for us. Love and positive reinforcement did. So even when my son is not in my presence I speak positively and the negative stuff is said with humor. I know that his authoritarian approach doesn’t work and I know meds didn’t work cause we tried it already. These are 2 things he debated with me over.
That comment about my lack of humility was meant to undermine all that. it didn’t undermine it for me. I do know my worth as a mom. but makes me mad that my partner would attempt to undermine.
That shows who he is not who I am and that’s what I do not like. I am not insecure or suffer from low self esteem. I am not hyper sensitive to feedback or jokes made in good humor.
I am sensitive to my boy friend not being a kind person. That he’s incapable of recognizing something I value and capable of being so insensitive about it. I’m sensitive to him being an a$$hole and not realizing it. I would never comment poorly on a car he worked hard to rebuild. And I certainly would not tell him he lacks humility if he was to talk about how much work he put into that car and how nicely it runs. That would be rude. that would not be constructive or honest.
I want to end things today but i have so many errands to run. I avoided him this weekend so I’m sure he’s pretty aware.
