I have been totally honest with IC and family therapist about my behaviour - which has not always been reasonable or acceptable - and his too. She didn't think he was unsuitable for counselling if he wanted it, though that would be up to him - and I know she doesn't do family counseling where there is entrenched patterns of abuse.
I also know I am emotionally reactive and that has had a really bad effect on him - it is a relic from my past and not my fault, but my responsibility to heal.
I do want to heal. I can't get away for weekends at the moment due to childcare, but I am doing the following things:
IC getting out of the house and getting exercise every day visiting friends and letting them know about my feelings without spending hours bad mouthing H - keeping the focus on me and them and not him finding someone to help or show kindness to every day spiritual practice - spending time in prayer and developing in that way food and nutrition - I lost a lot of weight in the first month. I am being really careful about meals and I've stopped smoking as that was affecting my health and my appetite. planning kid-friendly GAL activities every weekend. getting information about a retreat I want to go on when things settle a little and I can get childcare setting up family therapist for myself and kids and possibly H (but definitely myself and kids to help me support them)
if you can think of anything else I can add to this list to keep the focus on me and help me heal I would love suggestions.
