Unfortunately I did catch the dreaded bug and have been steadily getting worse all week. By Friday, I was literally floored - though this may have had something to do with being out Wed and Thurs night. H had decided that he wanted the girls most of the week, which worked out for me as D9 was ill most of it and had to stay home from school, and him having them meant I didn't have to take any days off work. There are some advantages to having a pilot for a H
I had the girls Friday (D9 was off) so we spent most of the day snuggled on the sofa. D9 and I are getting very good at snuggling on the sofa. Sat we tidied the house a bit and then H came and picked them up to take them to his mums. His mum had asked to have them Sat night as she has just had the spare bedroom done and wanted them to stay. Of course, this could be all an elaborate lie, and H might have asked her to watch them as he wanted to go out. Not sure why he would bother lying any more other than he still thinks we need to keep these things from each other. He seemed on edge when he came over, and once or twice I saw the temper flare. I think this is because I had made clear I did not want to go to his mums and may not be going to football today. He still wants everything the way it was, despite the fact that I can't go ten minutes without going into a coughing fit and standing on a cold muddy field is probably not what the doctor ordered. After one too many side comments, I said "I am going upstairs to sort through some clothes" and left them to it.
I am feeling a little better and am considering going, but that would mean being in the car with him for over half an hour (without the girls). I don't think I could take it and may just bow out. There is no escape in a car.
I sat on the sofa earlier and thought about how content I am. Just sitting there, drinking my tea, and watching TV. Then I thought how would my feelings change if my kids were here. They wouldn't. We might laugh about something, or I might have to remind them to put their dishes away, but overall, that feeling of contentment would still be there. Then I thought about how I would feel if my H was here. I felt the tightness in my chest. I would be worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting him. I would be worried about the fact that I was just sitting and not tidying, or washing, or dusting. I would be worried.
