Final chapter .. part 3

[exquisitetobe]

D16 was dropped off at her bf's within 2 hours of being picked up. The jacket fit but is exactly like the one D18 has.

You can' t make this stuff up. Anyway, Ex-h now feels like he is the father of the year and will leave her alone for awhile.

As for me, venting here is my medecine. I let it all out, i get alot of help and great support.

Andrew, i did raise my children with a " family first " rule. I role modeled that rule. At bomb, i blew up! Lol My rule became : Kids first. I am all they have and i must make sure we stay a tight family unit. Ex-h was no longer part of my unit but was part of theirs ( on his own timing ).

Maybe, they know how he works. They know to expect sh!tty treatment from time to time. If it ever goes too far, will they distance themselves like i did?

Job: Ex-h has excuses for everything. He is a master in manipulating and intimidating others. That is why he make a great cop.( very dirty at times ). I often wonder if the older kids realise how he manipulated them in the past? Better yet, do they know they were and still are?

They witnessed a few arguements. They have made the connection of ex-h calling me after talking with them. They became aware of his questioning tactic. As for the recording device on the phone line, the tracking device on my car, my journal and my lawyer and subject of my counscelling sessions were kept from them. I encouraged them to look at him with compassion. Even through the mess, it felt like the right thing to do. Today, humm?? I am not so sure. Maybe because ex-h is stuck? He still beleive is family is now OW, our kids and me as the nanny for the kids. ( that is how i am treated ).

I don' t think they will cut him off. I wish they would but they won' t. Ex-h might, eventually. He is words on a phone with a visit once a month or so.

On a better note, i was able to get him off my hydro and satellite. What a releif and a lesson for me. Everytime i think i am free of him, i get a surprise. I have received mail for ex-h twice last week. Correspondence from his Union adressed to him. He got one of them when he came to pick up D16. I got the other one a couple of days later and forgot to give it to D16 yesterday. I have made the decision of no longer caring for his mail. After 10 years, don' t you think he should have changed his address? He got the first letter, it is up to him to contact them and make the change. How can we tell who was the responsable one. ( rolling my eyes... but feeling good about myself )

Dnj, i get your words. I have tried. I care and i don' t. When someone you love is mistreated, it is instinct to try and protect them. If it was up to me TODAY, i would cut ex-h off of everyone. It is so hard to stay out of it and do nothing but listen. I repeat to myself constantly that i did not break their relationship and it is not my place to fix it. It is between them and their father. Another thing i need to remind myself is : " not all of ex-h' s visits are negatives". I hear of the negative ones because they need to vent and let it out; just like me.

I look back at bomb. I recall my words: - " ex-h is having a mid-life crisis. He is stressed out, over-worked and over-whelmed. Nothing is enough and everything is too much." " He wants to go but won' t let me go." " does this make sense to you?" " If you talk to him, he will have a totally different story. I do not know what is happening nor why. "
( those were my words to a cop friend of ours who was asking about our separation. He is also the one who watched over us in the storm without ex-h' s knowledge.)

Forgivenes is a tuff one for me in this situation. I link forgiveness with a changed attitude which will produce empathy. For example: an alcoholic who QUIT drinking. An addict who gets treatment. A goal of positive outcomes.

I can' t feel sorry for ex-h anymore. Over 10 years of this. I am done crying. I am done trying to fix everything. I am done. Unless i see consistancy in him, words and actions, i am off radar. I no longer see this day to ever come.

Outside of this drama, life is good. Life is fun. Life is getting better as the weather warms up!
Moods are up and smiles are back in town!
Canada, do not forget to move your clocks ahead 1 hour tonight. I' m doing it right now!
Good night everybody!