Confused

[punkin]

Hi everyone, I'm not actually a real newby here. I discovered this site about 9 years ago, when I was going through a terrible divorce, and it helped me through a very difficult period. But, life moves one. My ex married the woman he had an affair with, and they have moved away. I was in court for 7 years trying to get the retirement I was entitled to (married over 20 years), and finally succeeded. I have a great job, a great family, 7 grandsons. I'm financially comfortable. Nothing extravagant, but I don't have to worry about paying my mortgage and putting food in my stomach. Here's my thing:

I have no desire to "get back out there." I feel I am as happy as anyone around me, but inside I still think of my ex every day. I dream of him at night. I remember happier times. Am I nuts? I don't pretend that everything was wonderful. I am fully aware that I put up with a lot. He was an alcoholic, and could be emotionally abusive. In many, many ways, I know that I am better off at this time than I was for a long time during my marriage, so why am I still "mourning" the loss of my marriage? Does this sound familiar to anyone else out there, or am I just deranged??