I keep hearing and reading that the WW has to suffer a loss. What type of loss is that.
Most of your questions have been covered in a list of threads I wrote about WW's. Those threads are listed at the bottom of first page of Sandi's Rules.
There are consequences to decisions/choices we make. Is that not what we try to teach our children as they grow and develop into mature adults? If they do not learn this fact of life, they will always expect to be rescued. They look for someone else to pick up the tab; ignore their debts; have their back (even when though they lied); and continue to have another chance (although they make no effort to change or learn from poor choices/decisions because they've never had to be responsible for the results of those decisions). .
Yes, the WW has to experience some type of loss that is the result of her actions. It may be one particular loss, or accumulative, but I think she has to realize the connection. In other words, if she doesn't feel her actions have anything to do with the loss......then it's not effective.
In my case, it was knowing that my kids knew the truth about my actions with OM, and I lost their respect. I had been their example in life for a lady, wife, Christian, and spiritual teacher. As crazy as it sounds to sane people.......their respect in me as a Christian, was the most valued. Before all of this happened in my life. I would have been the first to say, "You must not have thought much about their respect when you were engaged in an EA". That's true, I don't remember thinking about it at all. WW's are arrogant to the point of being stupid. I was caught up in the thrill and addictive power of an A, and I actually believed I could influence my kids to think their dad was the bad guy and I turned to OM as the result.......yada, yada, yada. But, this heads toward another direction, and I want to keep it focused on the "loss".
Every person has something in their life they treasure. We've seen WW's leave their babies to be with OM. That just seems to go against nature, doesn't it? Here's the thing, you might try to guess what would be the ultimate loss that would show your WW what she's brought upon herself due to her own wayward behavior.........and never hit close to the thing that opens her eyes. I believe the dominoes had began to fall, right before learning that my D knew everything..... and the other kids knew. It was the slap in the face that I needed to wake up. It did not "fix" my MR. It simply woke me up to see with authentic vision the flip slide of my fantasy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
