My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 6

[ovrrnbw]

A little update for the last couple of days. Also, thank you all for continuing to help me. I'm very happy about my progress in the last year but I have plenty to keep working on as far as being satisfied with who I am as a person.

I've been getting out getting busy outside of work, but am pretty busy with the office remodel. I followed Davide's lead and went to hot yoga Thursday night. God dang that was hard. I'm going to do it again though. Back in August I stopped weightlifting so much and cut down to 3 days a week b/c I've have been weightlifting for almost 20 years now. I want to try new things. So I've been running more and now I'm going to do some yoga.

After I got home from yoga, she was laying in bed like she has been at all hours for weeks now. I looked at her a couple of times b/c she had such important things to talk about. But she said nothing, so I showered and ate and when I went to bed then she wants to talk. And, of course, she said all the same things she had said the day before. She also added some blame to for the whole situation, using her parents' and her favorite phrase to justify her terrible actions: "How did we get here?". It's their way of saying that it's my fault we are in this spot to begin with and that I need to submit to her will. W pressed further about divorce and splitting assets. I told her it's not that hard, we split the house 50/50, sell the car, and move on. W goes crazy, thinks she is entitled to much more than half of the house b/c her dad gave us free work on the first house and very good pricing on the second house we built. Of course, I funded a lot of the initial costs while my W lived rent and expense free with me while she paid off her student loan. Also her claim is pretty baseless and would get laughed out of court. Now she is threatening to take part of my new business if I don't cave on the house. Greatttttt. So it's time to see a lawyer again, who knows, I may have to pay off the barbarians at the gate. We'll see.

The important talk turned into a fight and I'm sure this is exactly what she wanted. We both got rude and she stormed out of the bedroom. All in all, the real problem came out, and she said she feels like my changes aren't real, that they're just fake to get her back. Our MC had told us to make a list of things each of us needed to feel safe and secure with each other and this prompted W to feel like my changes were not real. My bad behaviors are very similar, though much less in severity, to my dad's bad behaviors. I know if my dad did 180s on his horrible behavior that I would feel like my W feels. So I just told her I get how she could feel like they aren't real. Then I apologized for the mean thing I said to her earlier and went to bed. She slept in the guest bedroom.

Friday morning came around and she initiated yet another talk, though this one was shorter and I had to go anyways so that helped. As I'm leaving she asks for a hug, I say OK, but don't move towards her. Then she says "Well I guess you don't want one". I'm like WTF. So she comes over and gives me an awkward hug that I really didn't want. Then she calls a couple hours later to ask me if I'm doing all the things she knew I was doing: buying paint, buying flooring, etc. So I ended the call quickly. I worked late, got home, showered, and met some friends for drinks.

And here's a very telling issue: W does her mini BD to me on Wednesday, I looked at the car app just now, and went by to OM's house Thursday night for a couple hours. This loser lives at his parent's house at age 30. And the scumbag parents have seen her come and go there forever. I'm sure they had 0 communications at all over the last few weeks, months, etc while she was "trying". Or that those communications had nothing to do with W taking off her ring 4 weeks ago. Totally unrelated. Anyways, it looks like I need to have 0 R talks with her moving forward, it's just a crock of crap to make her feel better about her disgusting BS behavior. I'm still not ready to divorce, but it's not like I have many options. Gonna continue to focus on myself here. I'm gonna go full bore on my GAL, keep up with my IC, read, earn money, figure out my legal situation in the event of divorce.