I understand your anger. It's not easy to sit back and watch your children being hurt over and over again by a spouse/former spouse. Your h is a very selfish man who wants the world to think he's the greatest thing since swiss cheese, but the bottom line is that he doesn't care about anyone but himself and his image.
He used the jacket as an excuse to get his daughter to go out w/him and the ow. Shame on him. If he truly cared about her, he would have made every effort to get her a gift and delivered it to her on her birthday, not several days late and then it was too small. Since he really didn't know his daughter's size, he should have asked her or you...or better yet, given her the money and allowed her to purchase what she wanted.
Your daughter is still young, but she will get fed up at some point and tell him what she thinks of him and his behavior. He's burning that bridge between him and your daughter very quickly...but right now, he is manipulating her by threatening to cut off her phone. Maybe it's time to think about getting her a phone of her own and not on her dad's plan. That would cut out the manipulation and threats of cutting her phone off.
Your h is playing the dance of distant and pursuit w/your daughter. Until she stops taking his bait, she will be in this game for a long time.
I wish that I had more to offer, but she will have to decide when she's had enough and I think that will happen in the next year or so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
