Still in limbo

[Living]

Journaling,

H is back safely from his guys trip. We sort of got into it before he left so he fully expected to come home to an angry Living. He expected to come home and for us to argue (which would normally happen).

But to his utter surprise he came home to a happy and calm Living. He didn’t even know how to handle it. He was shocked, he even told me that he was.

I acted as if our spat was no big deal, I acted as if him being gone for 2 weeks with minimal contact was no big deal.

So we talked a little and he told me how he was happy to be home and how much he missed me while he was away. He said he missed me so much. I just smiled.

He then asked me if I missed him. I answered by asking him did he think I missed him. He said no. I said why would you say that. He said because when I was gone all of our conversations were brief. He said one day I sent you a text and I never heard back from you. He said another day I sent you a text in the morning and I got a one word response at midnight. He said when we did speak it was as if you were busy and didn’t have time to talk to me. I asked what gave him that impression. He said ugh-how about the way you rushed me off the phone. He then says, at the end of one of our conversations I told you I loved you and your response was “ok, bye, talk to you later.”

Later in the day he went on and on about his trip. It’s funny because before he left, he didn’t tell me much about the trip. However when he got home he was singing like a canary. Part of me wanted to say...oh now you want to tell me all about your trip...f-off.

But the new and improved me...just listened to him ramble about his trip. I smiled, nodded, said that’s cool, and just listened. Once he was finished talking, I told him that his trip sounded amazing and that I’m glad he had a great time and glad he made it back safely.

I’ve been walking around singing and dancing and just being happy. He doesn’t really know how to take it. He keeps telling me that something is different about me and that he’s confused. I coyly laugh and say “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Lol. Bless his heart.

I did some other things that I won’t share here. But the important thing is that the DB techniques work.

Also some of you vets have talked about how the LBS changes during this process and you’re absolutely right. I’m learning to control my actions, leading to guard my words. I’m still a work in progress but thank God I’m not the same woman that logged on here for the first time months ago. I’ve grown and he’s right something is different about me. I’m LIVING!

I’m not sure what’s going to happen with us. However, what I can say is that whatever happens, I’m going to be just fine! I’ve been doing the necessary work on me. I’ve completed my 180’s and I’ve been consistent at them. I’m so proud of the progress that I’ve made.

I’m working on me. I’m working on being the best version of myself that I can. I’m going to show him a woman he would be a fool to walk away from. And if this M comes to an end, I’m proud that I will be able to say...I did ALL that I could have done!