“I know the kids and I can be exhausting and I’m sorry you are so tired. I will take the kids later today to give you some free time to relax.”
That's a good, loving response, but you're still trying to "fix" things (I'll take the kids later). The focus should be on seeking out her feelings and validating them. So here is how the convo might go:
Her: You and the kids drain me, most days I just want to run away. You: That sounds very difficult, how does that make you feel? Her: I'm very angry and frustrated and just exhausted. You: You do seem very angry and frustrated. What do you think is happening that's making you feel that way? Her: (probably a long list of stuff) You: I can see how those things would make you feel angry and frustrated, I am sorry you are having a down day.
Now as a fixer (like me and most every other guy here) you are reading that and probably thinking "no way that will work, I need to offer her solutions" but it DOES work. When I started validating my ex and daughters, it just felt so touchy-feely and like I was trying to be their counselor or something. But they responded very positively, telling me how much better at "communicating" I was even though I didn't feel like I was communicating anything TO them at all! But that's what this is all about is giving them what they need and not what we think they need. They need to feel heard, understood, sympathized with. Compare that to what most of us would say pre-BD:
Her: You and the kids drain me, most days I just want to run away. You: Seriously? I left the house at 6 am and worked my butt off all day and you're whining because of having to get S's clothes out? Are you kidding me? Her: Do you ever listen to anything I say? You: Oh I hear you loud and clear, excuse me for not dropping everything to get a shirt and pair of pants out! Oh how you must have suffered having to spend 5 seconds doing that!!
Etc. etc. etc. This is exactly why most WAS's seek out an OM, because that creepy, low-life OM knows how to validate and their husband only knows how to be an ass.
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That is definitely something that she wants, she just wants to be heard and understood. Something I definitely got wrong in the marriage.
Most of us did. But it can be fixed, and fixing it will have a very positive impact on your relationships!
