She calls me to tell me how bad they were behaving, which I don’t know what I’m suppose to do when I am at work.
Classic guy comment. "How am I supposed to fix this when I'm somewhere else." The answer is this- SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FIX IT. Us guys, we're all classic fixers. Show us a loose screw and we're immediately looking around for a screwdriver. Tell us your problem and before you can even finish we're formulating a solution to spit back at you. Women don't want us to fix all their problems, 99% of the time they are just venting and want someone to LISTEN and VALIDATE. So you say something like "oh wow, that sounds very frustrating, is that how you feel?" She says "yes I'm so frustrated I want to scream!" You say "That does sound very frustrating! I'm sorry you're going through that, but thank you for getting them ready each morning." Later she'll be talking to her friend and say "I don't know what's happened to him, suddenly he's LISTENING to me and COMMUNICATING with me." That's the effect listening and validating has.
Quote
In her ranting and raving she said this is one of the reasons our marriage didn’t work, because I don’t always take out his clothes. I literally almost laughed on the phone.
Your response- "I am sorry, I imagine that is a big deal when you're already frustrated over trying to get them ready. I will try and remember to always have the clothes out before I leave." Her point is this- she doesn't feel you were a member of a team with her. Sometimes you got the clothes out, sometimes you didn't. And when you didn't, guess whose responsibility it became? Your wife's. Is that fair to her you think? You might see it as a small thing, but it could very well be an indication of a much larger issue of you constantly choosing when you do and do not perform your marriage responsibilities and leaving her to pick up the slack when you don't. Right?
Quote
Meaning, she talks about how we all drain her and most days she just wants to run away. Well I hate to tell her even in divorce you will still have the kids and now by yourself.
Once again you are dismissing her feelings. Here's a validation test for you, how SHOULD you respond if she says the above again? Write out the exact quote of what you think you should say to her.
