Quotes found on Divorcebusting (7)

[Ready2Change]

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Note for LBS spouses that seems to be working for me:

1) detach (better called self-differentiation). I think it's a domesticated belief that it's not safe or healthy for spouses to have freedom. B.S. It's super healthy and seems to be working for me. Each of us can be who we are and do what makes us happy without needing the other person or worrying about what the other person thinks. Not detaching is a subconscious form of control...let it go.

2) Use the gift of time...never force it. I think you always need to examine your behavior and thoughts...why are you doing something??? Is it really to control S or you want things to happen quicker? Pain and anxiety usually makes this worse. Learn some techniques to reduce pain and anxiety. Giving some statement of gratitude always helped me. I am grateful for healthy and bright children, I'm grateful that my parents are still alive, I'm grateful that I have a job I am happy with, etc. I also have a journal that I look at every day...It give me words of affirmation, it lists Sandi' rules, and tips from this forum.

3) READ, READ, and READ more...there are tons of self-help book that can help with 180s. I read all I can on LLs, how to communicate, how to have healthy relationships, etc.

4) Mirror your spouses behavior when it comes from the relationship. When spouse starts initiating conversations more, you start initiating some conversation IN PROPORTION. When spouse starts touching in affection, you start touching in affection IN PROPORTION. When spouse starts giving you a kiss, you start initiating a small kiss IN PROPORTION.

That's all for now. Honestly, it feels like we are reconciling, but just without the physical intimacy and affection. Patience...right .