So my FIL called me today. He is a retired divorce attorney. He tries to stay away from legal advice because he cannot interfere if I retain an attorney. He had an idea of the separation issue and told me about his idea. He is mad at his daughter and my W will not talk to him. I don't have to listen to his advice and he said he would not hold it against me but he wanted to try this approach prior to the other approach of going straight to D. My FIL is a D*CK to put it mildly but he is a big family man. He would do anything to make sure his grandchildren stay in a non-broken home so although he is a D, he does have a big heart. So with that, I will tell you what he said to get your input.
He suggests that I move out on a temporary basis of two week.(by the way, when I told him early on that she wanted me to move out back in late January, he was the one that told me to not move out and there is no legal way she could make me leave). He said the temporary separation would be via an agreement between my W and I and signed off by both of our IC therapists. It stipulates that this is only temporary and no legal impacts to this temporary separation that spells out that it will only last two weeks. The other stipulations (1) are that no male is to enter the premises at any time whether children are present or not, (2) visitations of me to see the kids at certain times or taking them out is allowed during this period, and (3) if for any reason, I can return prior to the 2 weeks if any other terms of the agreement are violated or if it isn't working for what I want.
His logic is based on that it would put all the duties of raising the children for two weeks on her to see how that type of life would be (he knows his daughter and she would hate it - I agree). It also makes me look like the victim in this (that is what he says). It will prevent her from going out and seeing the OM and keep her in the house to see how this world would be more often than not. It also gets the separation without having to go the D or S route. I think he had another pro but can't think of it. If I remember, i will let you know.
He then mentioned that we can then see how it went. We can extend it a week or I move right back in. He said with the counseling appointments, we could discuss how it went and go from there. Right now being in the house together, she doesn't truly see how the impact of not having the other person there would be.
So there you have his opinion. He has done a lot of divorces through his 40 years of practice. I can potentially do that and I can GAL and do what I need to detach, and learn to do things. The biggest con for me is missing my children on a daily basis. However, my son does have a phone so I would be able to text and/or call him. I have places I can stay too.
I just wanted your insight. He knows his daughter really well. His biggest concern of the ultimatum right now is that he is worried it could back fire and it proceeds down the D and gets ugly and breaks up the family. Again, he said that I don't have to take his advice and he would understand. He said that the emotional toll this takes on people, he would understand why it is hard to do. Any input on this....I still will talk to the attorney tomorrow and I can bring this up to him as well. I just want to make sure there is no legal impact but my FIL says that if the agreement signed off by both therapist and indicates that this is temporary and in no way gives up any of my rights for custody or any other rights, then I should be ok on that front.
Oh and I have never seen Gone with the Wind. He keeps bringing up that movie and saying how it parallels a lot of what he is trying to tell me. He wants me to reread the plot of the movie and then talk to him for 5 to 10 minutes about it this evening. Scarlet and Rhett. I haven't watched the movie or read the book but I might eventually when I have 4 hours to spare.
