I'm just catching back up with your sitch. That's rough, to have to deal with all the vacillating and equivocation from her on such a regular basis. I have only seen in that in the rare moments that W and I sit down to talk and it is difficult enough. Their uncertainty is real, but it is cruelly unfair to us. You'll eventually reach a point when you will prefer to move on rather than reside in that limbo. You can't rush getting there, but it will happen.
In terms of the calls, I don't see the benefit of engaging with her in conversation about the R. She has to work that sh#t out for herself. I would stick to business. For me, a real easy boundary would be to tell the W that I won't discuss the R over the phone and if she goes down that path I will hang up. If she kept calling, I would text and tell her to text back if she has anything urgent she needs to let me know. Getting angry or reacting with emotion is definitely something to avoid. Standing up for oneself is drawing clear boundaries, communicating them,and them calmly sticking to them.
You got this!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019