had a meet up with my IC yesterday. told her for all intents and purposes I've analyzed myself out of any future thoughts of relationships. the risks vs reward of trying again...meh. perhaps it's just a phase in my journey, but just what I'm feeling these days. she has told me between my personal experiences and what i've read of from these forums, still that is but a VERY small percentage of the collective whole of available women. she's right of course, but given what I believe are the expectations of a modern lady vs my realistic expectation of how much I'm capable of...as I've said before at some point I'll blow it and I don't believe there's any margin for error with today's ladies. social media, real housewives and acceptance of divorce have forever changed the dynamics of marriage in my opinion. i gave it a good go, two marriages just shy of 20 years of my life...got a sweet D4 out of it, but now think it's time to close up shop and go back to enjoying the things of my youth before girls and the idea of love were a thing to me. to remove that stress and that's what it was mostly...singledomness seems the smartest way to go. IC is NOT happy with me telling her that LOL. I plan to keep seeing her as I enjoy our discussions. They have helped me heal, learn and become a better man. I'll never say never. A GF someday...maybe/sure...in a world full of flaky just hard to see it. She and I both agree completing my D and getting away from the dysfunction that is my WW will be a wonderful thing. no real point to this beyond a journaling of where my mind is these days. removing women from my thoughts has me truly relaxed and ready for my life ahead with D4. so crazy how just randomly flowing my thoughts about my life are right now. my best to all of you who are struggling and deep within the pain of your journey. time and patience.
