Anthony. I am not sure how you can 180 on something if you avoid it. So if you do this, do it face-to-face, when you are ready and prepared.
On your second question, the answer is to drop the rope. Dropping the rope means you stop trying to control her. She is going to do what he wants to do. You have to do what you want to do. This is why I am urging you to forget about OM. He isn't your problem. She is. Even IF she drops him, if her heart isn't back then her being away from does not matter. The LBS where there is an affair that struggle the most are the ones that fixate on the OP. Drop the rope. Work the process. She will either MAKE the decision to leave the OM HERSELF or she won't. You have no control over that. It is hard, but forget about her and what she is doing. Concentrate on your GAL, 180, and detachment. The Anthony that constantly fixates on OM isn't attractive to her. The Anthony that is busy, working on himself, and emotionally immune to her crap WILL BE attractive to her.
I am not focusing on the OM. I am focusing on the point that she wants to cake eat. I do not give a crap about the OM except for the fact that she is spending my money on gas and buying herself drinks to go see him on my credit card. I know her process has to work out but she can do it from afar and not be in the house. It is impacting the children. My son was up at 11PM last night because she left at 6:30 at night and our dog was making noises because she was not home yet. She didn't arrive home until almost midnight.
When she left yesterday, I just said have fun and even asked why she was still home at 6:10 because I thought she said she was leaving at 6PM. So to say I am trying to force her to stop being with the OM, is not the case, She can just do that by living away from me and the children.
