Sandi (and others here as well), as I have stated to you before and will continue to state again and again, you don't need to feel sorry for anything that may come across as inadequate or harsh or mean. I tell my friends that this support group has been a major factor in my rebirth. I get told things that I may not want to hear, but I know that there is love and purpose behind what is said and will help me, not hurt.
Why do you think that instead of dropping off of this board after I surrendered to the fact that my marriage was over I stayed here? My impending divorce is obviously not busted.
I do it because the words that have been posted by everyone here has helped me become the man I am today. I do it because I want to continue to grow as that man. I do it because I want to make sure my journey of finding love anew is one that is healthier. Yes, it's going to be a slow process. But with that slow time comes true healing and organic growth.
There is nothing to ever be sorry for. Every word behind the posts come from a place of love and empathy.
As far as anger goes, it has been the primary catalyst in my behaviors and has contributed significantly towards the sitch I am in. I know it's a stage of grief, but I have moments in which I let it get out of control and I do things that are vindictive and cause pain to others. I should feel angry, but I should practice expressing it in a non-destructive manner.
When I get rejected, whether it was dating, job offers, personal requests, etc., I take it as an attack on my character and effort. I take it very personally and start to analyze where and why I have come up short. I question myself constantly and sometimes I sacrifice parts of my identity to conform and get acceptance.
It has gotten better recently, in which I do not take rejection as personally and that there are circumstances outside of my control that caused it. Best example is the woman who stopped talking to me. I have been telling myself that she saw a great version of me and it obviously attracted her. I did a lot of things right. She has reasons why she dropped communication and they were out of my control. I have moved on.
WW and I did separate on a trial because of OM1. We established rules that we had to follow during the trial (dating once a week, regular sex, constant communication). That fizzled out not even a month later. The affection did not drop off all at once, but it deteriorated to the point where I was being told that me touching her was creepy and that the romance was over. The trial part got removed shortly before I was told about the no romance. Her waywardness was a catalyst in coming to that conclusion.
I am working on the letting go part. It's getting better, but it's obvious that I still have not let go. I have not let go completely not because I still have hopes of reconciling, but because I am (unsuccessfully) trying to think of why things went down the way they did. From what ovr, AS, and you have stated, no one really knows why WW have those behaviors and it's a waste of energy trying to figure that out.
After I pray, I always ask for peace, happiness, and good health for her. She deserves it. I truly want her to be happy and healthy. She is a good person. Honestly, I would not mind seeing undesirable things happen to OM2. I could care less about him. But then I think about what you said in the last two sentences:
Originally Posted by sandi2
Who knows what tomorrow holds? But when it comes.......will it really heal your heart? Will your life be happier?
It will not heal my heart. It will just feed my vindictiveness. My life will not get any better.
I love the responses about what I should tell my D5 when she gets older and will employ those words when the time comes to have that talk.
Don, I know that I am not ready for a relationship. That is really really obvious. And the way things ended with the woman was a blessing in disguise. I was doing the same things I did when I first met my WW. The long chats, the calls, the heavy flirting, all of it. I was laying it on THICK. That being said, I will continue to go out and socialize. If one of the situations ends up with sex, so be it. I just need to remind myself long before it happens that I need to keep it casual. But maybe I need more time to even do the casual part.
TH, when you have time read my sitch from the beginning and compare it to how I am now. You will even see the part where I have decided to give myself the "Phoenix" moniker. I have gotten this far. I know I can go further. The sky is the limit.
