Well last night I overheard a conversation with my D and W. My daughter was very upset and talking to my W about us getting a divorce and much it bothers her. My W was so cold to her and told her she has to deal with it and that there was nothing she could do. Which is ridiculous because she is the one who wants it. It’s so sad to See how devastated my daughter is about this and my W doesn’t care about how she feels. So, I guess I am going to have to learn to accept what’s coming. I am DBing but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on her. I know that people say patience but this is tearing me up emotionally. Do the vets still think she is speaking in absolute negatives or that she really means it? I am so upset over this because she has told me she has noticed my changes but says I should have done this sooner. I don’t have proof but starting to think here is OM.
This is where you man up. You are there for your daughter. get alone time with D without your wife around. You validate her feelings. She needs lots of hugs. Listen to her. Listen to understand. Ask probing open ended questions.
Here are good posts. Not sure if you have read them, but a refresher might help:
Originally Posted by coach
To me detachment means letting go of outcomes. I don't control the outcome so I shouldn't place my worth on the result. Doesn't mean stop caring, not trying, not having a plan, or giving up. I am solely in control of myself. If I do my best, I did all I could at the time then it has to be enough. I can learn from the experience and improve the process for future experiences.
How to practice detachment? Figure out the worst thing that could happen to you? (Spiers Doctrine - "The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function.") So the only thing that matters is are you doing the right thing. It easier to make a plan, take action and be brave when you aren't afraid of the outcome, you can't get hurt if you are already dead.
