I emerge. I rise. I AM Phoenix9. (Phoenix9 DB XII)

[DonH]

Phoenix, I too want to say I'm sorry for and understand the pain you are going through. Many of us here went through it and it totally stinks.

However, I really have to say, just based on reading all of this, you are nowhere near ready to date - you simply are not. I know you're not going to listen - just because it's rare for anyone in your current position to listen. The pain is so high and it feels so good when a woman takes it away, like the girl from the meetup did for a week or so. But, really, you are just not ready and no long-term good will come from it. It's okay to just first get yourself back to a solid, strong baseline and THEN go looking for a new partner. That is the healthy way through this. Do things like getting new boots, hanging out with friends, etc. Leaving dating for down the road a bit.