Don't do or say anything if emotions are running high, like if you confront her about OM, etc.
I doubt she will leave, but here's what I would do if I were in your shoes.
I would tell her that I will not remain in an open MR or settle for an IHS. If OM continues to be in the picture in any way, I will make preparations to legally end our M. I would tell her I prefer that she left and stayed somewhere else, rather in the home. If she insists on staying here until the D is final, it will not be with the options she previously suggested. I won't play happy family when in the house with her. I won't escort her to events, including friends/family. We won't be attending anything "together", or doing things "as a family". We each go our separate way. I will put the house up for sell, and we can evenly split whatever is left after debts are paid off.
Now, that is what I would say, but this is your life, Anthony, not mine. I don't think the option of a separation is going to help this situation, but that's my opinion. I believe tough love is in order here. With that said, don't try to bluff her. You have to mean what you say. Don't say it like a threat. Just say it calmly. Using a calm voice is more effective than an emotional one.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
