It started on a bad note. I was at the professor's house Sunday night on a "netflix" date so that she didn't have to pay for a sitter. My plan was to leave early to get a lot of sleep and start the week off well, but the best laid plans... I didn't get out of there until midnight. And then, as I turned off her street onto the major road, I got in an accident! It was my fault, as I didn't see the other car until too late and then skidded on wet pavement. It was a pickup truck (with no front bumper) that plowed right into my driver's side front wheel. Yikes. My first "real" accident in 25 years of driving. I was fine, as was the other driver thankfully. A neighbor called the police and we were out there for an hour waiting for the police, moving the cars off the road, changing out my front tire, filling out the forms, etc... At the end of it, I got a citation for failing to yield, but then the officer proceeded to field test the other driver and ended up arresting him for DUI. I thought he had time to swerve or stop, but who knows.
Unfortunately, when I tried to drive home on the donut, it was immediately clear that the car wasn't safe to drive. So, I headed back to the prof's house (she had come out for a bit to support me) to spend the night. It was probably near 3 in the morning before I could get to sleep with all the adrenaline racing through my body. That also meant that in the morning I met her 3 yr old son for the first time (not how I wanted that encounter to happen!) She was super nice and helpful about everything, driving 30 minutes out of her way to take me home, so I got to spend even more QT with her son in the car. I also had to go back there in the evening to get my car towed, and so she drove me home yet again and the three of us had takeout dinner at my place.
I love kids and he was sweet, but I don't know if I was emotionally prepared to meet him yet. In a perfect world I certainly would not have. I don't think the relationship is yet at a solid enough point. It feels to me like a lot of pressure/responsibility once you bring kids into the picture, and I don't know feel confident that the R can withstand the pressure of that. I am reading about OrangeK's sitch and feeling similarly about being open to the R. I am questioning my motivations, and what I really want, and how much of a chance I am really giving it.
At this point I don't know if the car is totaled or not. Thankfully it finally stopped raining, though the temps have dropped below freezing for my bike commute to work.
I am also finishing up the initial paperwork for the D filing. Today, I closed out the joint bank accounts, and I will transfer the money to W's account when she passes me her account info. If I can get everything organized and notarized, my plan is to go to the clerk's office tomorrow afternoon. I saw the W at the gym last evening, although we didn't speak. I did send her an email today to let her know about the bank accounts, and to tell her my plan to file as I don't want to surprise her with the D papers in the mail.
Mentally this has been taking a toll on me. I was in a not-great mental space yesterday, which was part of the reason I went to the gym. Starting the week off with a lack of sleep, and then dealing with the pressure of the accident, the unexpected advancement of the R with the prof, the divorce papers, doing more job interviews... it has been a lot. I have been short and not very patient with my students as well. It was very good to get out to yoga this morning after missing it on Monday. I also have an IC appointment, which I had previously scheduled for this coming Saturday. I feel like I need it to unpack my feelings about the current R with the prof.
I know that I can do this, and I have made it through harder moments than this, but it is tough.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
