Oh and one last thing, and I know this may be interpreted as mind reading so give me a slap if you think I deserve one, but last may she blew up the motor in her car, and has been driving her boyfriend's pickup truck ever since. Just this past weekend she got a new car, My son was very excited to tell me about it. She is now no longer Reliant On her boyfriend for transportation. Bear in mind they have been dating for almost 2 years now, including the nine months they were doing so behind my back, but I digress. I know I shouldn't know this information, but she still has yet to this day done anything to acknowledge their relationship publicly in any way shape or form. he does, but if you look at her social media you wouldn't know that she was dating anybody. She literally doesn't even post a single picture of his face. I can't imagine she has longevity in mind there in. Not that it matters because it's done dead and gone and at this point I really wouldn't want to change that. Just can't help up my mind running in circles sometimes
I think you are 100% right based on her history alone. This poor guy has a BD in his near future.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Stander, regarding the circuit breaker thing. That's pretty much why I'm running into issues with Mary right now, my walls are still up to strong and she's looking to have me open up. I've avoided doing so because I'm afraid to show her that I pretty much still feel dead inside, what portions of my emotional Spectrum are not comatose are behind High walls of self-defense.
I know it's tough after BD and the aftermath, but maybe try to open up to her a little more. There's nothing that says you have to go from zero to 100 in 3 seconds, so if you're at zero now then try for 10 and see how it goes. She'll feel better about the R and you might find that it helps you as well.
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as far as why we had to see each other face-to-face, our son was sick and she had kept him out of daycare.
That makes sense, I was just wondering if she was finding an excuse to see you.
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I honestly can't say if it was a temperature check, I don't know what your friends situation was but I cannot see her ever backpedaling from the amount of drama lying and deception that went down during our break up.
A temp check doesn't necessarily means she wants to get back together. It just means she's checking to "see where you are". She's wondering if you've moved on or if you're still holding a candle. And maybe she's checking to see what HER feelings are towards you. That could very well be why she wanted to bring S by rather than have you pick him up at BF's house, she just wanted to lay eyes on you and see what her personal reaction was.
Regarding my friend, he fully believed there was a zero percent chance they would ever get back together. You've heard of burning bridges, well she bombed the bridge, put dragons in the river under it and napalmed the surrounding area as far as the eye could see. That actually probably helped him drop the rope faster, because she was done, done DONE in his eyes. It just goes to show you never know what can happen. I hear people say "my WAS is done, there's no chance" here just about every day but they simply do not know that. No one knows what their future holds. Whatever they think they know is probably very wrong.
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Also when she was asking me about my life and my situation with Mary she definitely made a point to mention that oh, and I quote, we have both moved on and are happy. I don't know if that was her attempt to try and reinforce her situation with the new guy.
Probably a temp check to see if you would say something like "oh, well things aren't going that great". My ex does the same, says crap like "I really don't know what's going on with you two" (about me and my GF) like it's any of her business. Again it doesn't mean she wants to recon, she just wants to know your "status".
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Honestly I don't try to figure out what's going on in her mind anymore.
Good, that's for the best!
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but if you look at her social media you wouldn't know that she was dating anybody. She literally doesn't even post a single picture of his face.
She's keeping her options open in case someone "better" comes along. If she meets someone she doesn't want them to look her up and see she's "taken". I suspect Steve is right about OM having a BD in his future.
You know O my XW does the same thing. She has been dating her BF for probably a year now, posts nothing on social media about him, has never brought him to any of our kids events, has never introduced him to me but she has taken him with her to some functions with our kids and close family friends.
She also reaches out to me from time to time for weird reasons, sends me random pictures of the girls, asks me off the wall questions that she could figure out herself, etc.
Maybe they are temp checks, maybe she still has feelings for me buried down deep inside or maybe she just does it out of habit since we were together for 17. I don't know, I just keep moving forward.
I also am having the same problems with dating, opening up, being vulnerable. I think part of the issue is that I was hardwired to 1 woman for 17 years and it is difficult to re-wire my brain (or it at least it is for me). Everything about the current woman I am dating is different than my xw so that has been a struggle. I am just trying to be patient with myself and I like what AS said about trying to open yourself up a little bit at a time to help get comfortable.
Post D life is fun at times but it is not always easy. Hang in there!
Thanks for the update O. Just keep doing the work on yourself man. Get into IC when you can and be there for S4 as you always do. There´s no need to bite any bait with XW. Avoid mind reading and get some more detaching. You know you can´t be there for her. She´s far far away.
Hey O - like the recent updates even though some challenging stuff around dating and your R with Mary. Getting that wall down is not easy after what you've gone through. Totally understandable.
Just like J9, my exW is now dating and I don't see or hear anything about him. Her SM stuff is private so I have no idea if she's got him on there or not. I actually prefer it this way - the less mental space it can take. exW also sometimes sends me random texts about stuff, generally has to do with kids - no idea why. And then when I respond back and say something short and direct, I get crickets in return. It's super bizarre. Mind-reading is like a thing of the past so I don't try to spin myself out of shape when she does this, but I don't get it. Like why is she sending this and then complete silence afterwards. Who knows what's going through her head? I just keep focus on me and all that other stuff is riff raff.
I am almost at the end of getting the legal stuff done and so it'll be officially over soon.
I'm going to write a more detailed post later oh, but I just need to get some stuff off my chest immediately. it's been months since this has happened, yet another situation where I have this horrible gut feeling that something is coming out of pipes. Accompanying this negatively intuitive feeling is the old feeling in my guts that feels like a slow-burning Cole. Like I could breathe smoke and toxic fumes. it has literally been months since this has happened, and I did not miss it. I'm willing to bet that I will have something in the mail either tomorrow or Monday from her attorneys, as I feel like this is another situation where I can sense something-4 frustrating is happening on her end. As I've said before I think she usually carries her head in the sand and pretend like none of this happened so when she has to go to her lawyer's office and actually deal with it, I can sense it on my end. I know that that is literally the definition of mind reading, but there has been enough evidence for me in the past when this happens that there's a reason for it and it's not just in my head. what I hope is our final court date regarding the restraining order I had placed against her father is coming up in about two weeks. The window for us to submit any files regarding this case closes at the end of next week so it makes sense that she would be going to her lawyer's office. I've done a good job of putting on a face of someone who has healed lately, but I'm starting to realize that that is not the case. In the dark of the night when I am alone I still find myself plagued with what ifs and other hypothetical nonsense. I've told so many other people and myself a thousand times that I am healed and done with this but allegedly that's not the case.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
