Yes, you're so right. Dh bears real grudges over the few times I refused to do things or did them reluctantly, and doesn't appreciate the millions of things I did do for him (maybe that's less the case now). But the reason was that I felt he wasn't considering me. But sometimes you just have to meet someone else's needs for the sake of the marriage (but without being a doormat). You're right about the expectations. I'll see how it goes, maybe I need to share a bed with him calmly a few times before I ask.
Horrible morning this morning. I'm supposed to be working, and memorising my talk. But ds2 was poorly, so I phoned in sick for him and we watched some Netflix together, that was nice. But then my long-time neighbour and sort-of friend knocked on the door and asked me about a night when I got a taxi home from the station with her husband and another woman when the trains were all messed up. I've actually met her husband on the train home a few times coming back from dates with dh, and I thought it weird that he was working so late. But it turns out he probably wasn't, he's been seeing another woman. I felt so upset for my friend, she has a daughter with massive mental health problems and now this. And it stirred up all sorts of bad stuff about when dh first left. I shared that dh and I have been having problems but not the full extent, and we both cried and had a hug and a good heart to heart. We agreed that life really [censored]. And then I rang dh and cried a bit to him and he was nice about it even though he sounds manic at work and has to leave early to come and see me. And then I dried my eyes and watched a bit more TV with ds2. Phew, lots of big stuff today. I'm going to go and have a sauna I think and get my outfit together for tonight and go to the venue for the rehearsal. I might go for a quick run first, I feel the need to do something physical to calm down a bit.
