Brave Little Gerda Faces the Icy Game of Reason

[Rita]

Oh my gosh before I post goodbyes a bit later, the strangest thing just happened!

My H was asleep as usual on the couch, a bottle of wine in, and I had to creep into the living room to go to the kitchen for something. As I passed him, he reached out and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. I haven't felt his hand on my arm in five years, so I was totally shocked. I sort of let him pull me towards him and he half sat up, he was smiling at me as if he was the old H. I was terrified that he thought I was either my daughter or the OW (if there is one right now) so I was slightly resisting and I said, "Do you know it's me?" And he looked at me, totally confused, so I said again, "Do you know that it's me?" And I was so terrified that he thought I was someone else that I was just frozen and we were looking at each other in the strangest way and he let go and lay back down and I kept standing there for a second as I wanted him to pull me back again if he did know it was me but was horrified and terrified of rejection if he was dreaming of OW and would wake up as I got closer and push me away. I know in hindsight i should have just let it happen either way but I was so surprised that I wasn't thinking clearly. And he looked so bewildered that I said something along the lines of, "You were just pulling me towards you, did you mean to do that?"

Total buzz kill, yes.

And he said, "I was sleeping." And turned his back on me.

My H has not really touched me in over five years, except for one kiss a couple years ago and a few times when he let me give him a foot rub or that sort of thing when he seemed on his way back.

Well, a note to all out there -- if this ever happens to you, just go for it without worrying! I am in a sea of regret right now.