Please start a thread on this forum so that we can learn more about you and your situation. By doing so, posters will be able provide the support you need.
BTW, no you aren't wrong to have hope.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Please start a thread on this forum so that we can learn more about you and your situation. By doing so, posters will be able provide the support you need.
BTW, no you aren't wrong to have hope.
How to start a thread
I will use what Job wrote
First Click on Newcomers or MLC then:
Originally Posted by job
Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.
Hi everyone.....so after 3 weeks of seeing him last and no contact......today I get a message from him saying that he hopes I have a wonderful holiday away .....any thoughts on if I should respond.....or not. Also its his birthday on Saturday.......do I acknowledge it or just stay silent?? I am finding it really hard not to feel sorry for him and (perhaps stupidly), would at least like him to know that he is not forgotten......
I wouldn't respond with anything more than "thanks."
What did he do for your birthday? If he did nothing, do nothing. The most I would do is a text that says HB if you feel compelled to do something. But again, if he ignored yours, I would do nothing.
I think we all go through the sorry for them stage. I had a counselor at the beginning who said you may think his life is pathetic, but at least he's living a life. All you do is think about his life.
If you read DB or DR, better for him to think he is forgotten. In my case, that is what it took to see an improvement in behavior.
Thanks OneArt.......he did actually send me a card and money for my birthday so as you have suggested a short HB birthday message - short and simple - from my point of view, I think its probably best to cut the ties completely. Its strange that he cant do the same or is this "normal" behaviour in MLC?
Gerda's vote is always to go with kindness and love, even if it doesn't "work." I have done both and nothing works and sometimes something I didn't do or think I wouldn't do works. You must GAL but with these birthdays and such, you can't strategize too much or you'll go crazy. I would totally send a simple not-lovey-dovey Happy Birthday note. Expect nothing but give that if you want!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Sorry about the rant - just need to blow off steam.......Well, here I am again - thought the struggle was over in my own mind. Divorce at Decree Nisi stage, financial issues sorted and waiting for court approval and then the final stretch to end my 26 year marriage.
I am 18 months post separation now and some days I feel so strong and confident and other days so lost and alone. I have worked very hard at getting a life and getting to know me again and I am extremely comfortable with myself, my life, career etc so why do I feel like a part of me is missing and why do I miss my stbx so much.....
The saddest part about all of this is that 5 months ago I met a fantastic guy who treats me like a queen and is kind, thoughtful and everything any woman could only dream of and yet I dont believe I feel like I should about him - I feel numb...... its like a part of me still hopes that my marriage can be restored and in my mind if I allow myself to get involved with someone else there would be no chance of that happening......
Are these feelings I am having "normal" - the doubts, the hope, the anger/love roller coaster ride. Sometimes I think I am going crazy. I really long to just let go and move on but something holds me back.......
I know I must sound like a desperate/ needy woman but I am everything but those things - when I think with my head, I am completely detached from my stbx - his life and the OW - I accept his choice and his desire to be with her but my heart longs for him - I wonder if part of this is because I have always felt I never had a choice in my marriage ending and we didn't get the chance to try and rebuild something new (he didn't want to).
Apologies once again for the vent - but it helps to get advice.......help......
This is a safe place. Feel free to rant and to expose those parts of you that otherwise are not on view. I will leave others who have gone through what you are experiencing, advise and help you. But I imagine it is normal. Another part of it could be that because you have been hurt, you have a barrier in place that prevents you from getting to close to your Mr fantastic. It could be protecting you from future pain by preventing anything deeper. Look into that.
If you still want to be with H, it is normal that you cannot fully connect with another man. Do you want to be with him again? Maybe you don't but 26 years is a long time and moving on takes time. Take time to reflect on this. It is unfair to the new guy if you cannot commit because you hope to reunite. I imagine you need to become clear yourself and then the path should show itself. I just reread your earlier post where you stated your stance. reread it.
I met a fantastic guy who treats me like a queen and is kind, thoughtful and everything any woman could only dream of
This speaks loads. If you can attract such a guy into your life, you are shining. Your post puts you down several times, even though you defend yourself too. Don't doubt yourself. Regardless of what you decide about your R with him, remember you were capable of attracting him.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Having reached 18 month post BD, I am slowly climbing out of the overwhelming and destructive h@ll I have been living in since my stbx decided that being without me was a better option. During this time, I have changed my life entirely in every aspect - job, lifestyle, accommodation, moved house etc. But I have also taken the time to grow, make my own way, learn to be alone and reflect on my life and our marriage. I have also come to the realisation that although I have no choice if I want to move forward that I have to live my life assuming that he will never return and if it should happen that he does return, then I will cross that bridge if I choose to.
I have also read a huge amount of information about the stages of MLC - I understand that there is no definite process and that each person is different. I am also not interested din the "timescale" of each stage - what I would like to get an idea of is what the overall experience is after the MLC spouse has gone through the "replay" stage - I feel such a widening gap between us - whereas before he was in regular contact - either by email or messaging, now the contact is almost non existent since we saw each other in February. I am not initiating any contact with him as I find its destructive to my well being, I just find the change in his behaviour to be out of character (but then I suppose MLC cant been seen as anything other than "out of character" .
Anyway - thoughts anyone.......
Last edited by job; 04/11/1909:01 PM. Reason: edited a word
