Yes, you're so right. Actually, I think I've mostly been good at looking after myself, it's one of my strengths. Though dh used to occasionally order me out of the door to go for a run the odd Sunday, motivating myself at weekends is always harder somehow.
Journalling. I'm tired, had a busy and quite tiring day doing domestic stuff clearing stuff out of bedrooms and cupboards. Stirred up quite a lot of stuff. Dh is a big shopper and hates me throwing away his stuff but won't throw it away himself. This has been a source of contention and probably always will be, but I manage it and I understand why he does it. Anyway, it was quite a hard day in a way. It's been 6 months this week since he left and that is really, really hard too. I thought we'd be back together by now. I can see how much less anxious, fearful and desperate I am now though, that's positive.
I sent him a text about logistics tomorrow, he gets stressed going new places so he has a map and timings and I told him to maybe eat first because there's no food available, and I said if he's really tired I arranged it so we can leave a bit early, I know he's had a busy week. He texted back 'see you tomorrow' and I texted 'I appreciate you coming', because expressing more appreciation is my effort to do words of affirmation. Plus it's true. I feel sad that I've barely spoken 2 words to him since Saturday and after the look of love I wonder why he's pulling back, but he definitely has been, even if it's only due to work busyness. But yeah, it makes me sad when we've had quite a lot of contact the last few weeks. But I won't chase, it won't help. Anyway, I'm off to a yoga class, hopefully that will settle me down. A good night's sleep would be good, it's a busy day and evening tomorrow and I really have to get more work accomplished.
