[DonH]

I just saw the title of your new thread. Totally how I am feeling right now.

Got to agree, it's a very true title and I'd say at least for me it's a whole lot better than BD - a whole lot!

Before your last thread ended and locked there was a great discussion about you and current BF. Good or bad or whatever, the more I read, the more I can see at least a decent portion of myself in him. That could be good for you in helping to figure him out. The thing is, I'm not sure you guys are a match.

One of the best comments I remember reading was from someone who said, he's not going to change and you either can accept him as he is or not. That is so true. I can tell you I've mellowed a whole lot - Yeah imagine that, the version you guys are all getting of me is a MELLOWED version of who you would have gotten 20 years ago. I let way more things go but I still am who I am and am not likely to change.

What you can change is you. What jumped out is your very honest and self-aware comment of if he tells you to do something you do the opposite just to spite him. Interesting that my exW used to do this as well. She too knew that what I had said likely had merit yet... That's not good for you. You are better than that JuJu. I think part of the problem though is you can't beat him in a debate so this is how you try to beat him - it's very passive-aggressive.

It may well be that you have more to work on with yourself. After all, that's the only person you really have any control over. You did get involved rather quickly with this guy. There might be more to that than you realize. Even now, you seem to be more comfortable being in an R with someone who might be the wrong guy than in no R at all. Yet, from everything I can tell, you'd be just fine by yourself. It's not like you need this guy. I do think it's great that you are taking your time with deciding. However, what I'd really encourage you to do is to have more of these difficult talks with him. Doing so will help you to decide much easier. If you pick a topic even once a week (a couple times a week would be better) and sit down and talk about it for 30 minutes - then let it go. Agree to discus for 30 minutes and then go do something fun. It can be anything - finances, raising children, drug use, religion, abortion - whatever. Even lighter topics could be okay - like music, movies, food, vacation spots. I think if you did this, you'd either see, wow, we have a lot in common, or you'd see, yep, this guy is just not for me.

I very strongly encourage you to consider this. I'm betting even the suggestion makes your stomach crawl but pushing yourself will help you to grow and also help you decide.

In the end, if he is like me, I can totally assure you he is not trying to be a jerk. He's not playing games or any of it. It's just who he is. And who he and I are, just may not mesh with a personality that needs a like of positive and a lot of reassurance. It's okay to need those things - you just won't get them, at least in the quantity you require, from guys like us. It's not in our nature. For me, I know that. I know I need a strong woman with high self-asteme who is willing to call me on my crap. When called, I respond very well. I don't do well with subtle - most guys don't. You need to be very clear, very direct and do it right away or at least as soon as possible. Waiting days, weeks or months will only feel like you are bombarding with months of stuff all at once.

My last comment is this... if you do decide to end things, you did not fail. Don't take this like a D. You dated someone and are finding they may not be a long term match. That is not failure - in fact in many ways it's success. The only thing worse than being in a bad R for 2 years is being in a bad R for 2 years and 1 day. (yes I totally stole that from a national expert - as I do much of my stuff - but it makes great sense.)