DnJ, Job, Gerda - Thank you for your care, compassion, and support during my storm. Last night I really didn't think I could go on with Standing. I wanted (still want) to tell H I know. I think I will in due time, but not out of my anger, despair, or embarrassment. It will be out of compassion and at a time when he might be receptive to begin his healing process. I am praying for God's wisdom, for him to speak to me, and for me to hear him so that I may proceed according to His will.
I think I'm just now learning what standing really means. I might still end up D, and I think it's likely I will some day, but Standing means hope that our loved one will heal, and maybe, just maybe, it will allow us to heal our M. But, Standing also is for Me, to also heal, and become the person that was lost so long ago. I've been thinking about doing a mission trip, or participate in Doctors without Borders. This is something I gave up long ago because H was not supportive.
Something will have to happen soon, I think. He has to find another place to live at the end of April. I foresee a discussion about us before then, if not initiated by him, then by me.
KML and OneARt - I am heeding your advise, and have an appointment next week to get tested for STDs. I haven't had sex with H (or anyone else) since January 2018, so i'm probably clean, but I know some stay dormant, especially HIV and HPV, so I'm getting the whole nine yards worth of testing.
Gerda - thanks for your prayers. It means so much. I will have Psalms at the ready. I'm sure it will be well read over the next few days to few weeks.
Hugs to all for being there for me. I don't know what I'd do without all of you.
