Rocky Road 2

[Miler]

Man, yesterday was heavy. After MC and discussion on the way home, I was spent. But last night was actually nice. She was relaxed, talkative, and actually gave me some brief casual touching. Before bed, she was in the bath and I sat down next to the tub and said’ “I know today was heavy and full of emotion but I truly appreciate you being so gracious and open. I also processed what you said and want you to feel confident in that I’m not in this for the quick fix or want things just to be back to normal. I want this to be a process in which we develop a healthy, happy, and supportive relationship.” She said I really appreciate you saying that. Me too.

So while we had a great night, I had a brutal sleepless night. I woke around 4 and couldn’t get back to sleep. All sorts of negativity was going through me head. When she came down to the kitchen, I completely effed up. I said “You we’re ready to leave me weren’t you? She said, no, why? I said because I came back from a trip and your ring was off, you changed our instagram profile pic to S11, and our picture together on your dresser is gone. 🤦‍♂️ She said, gosh, I’m so sorry you had a rough night. Did you have a bad dream. I said, yes it was awful! And I’m sorry for starting a conversation like that. That was terrible. She said, no worries, I’ve been there before. My ring doesn’t fit anymore
Because I’ve lost weight, S11 changed the Instagram picture, and I have no idea what happens to our picture on my dresser. I’m so sorry that you are having those thoughts, do you want to do something fun today? I said, man I really appreciate your grace and empathy. I love that about you. She smiled and said thanks. You never say things you love about me except my looks and how good a mother I am.

Well, there you have it. Ups and downs. She’s definitely noticing 180s and how hard I’m working. I think it still all boils down to patience and her trusting the new me. I showered, got dressed, made a business call, then taking care of some errands. I may go to the gym and wait til later to suggest something fun. Before I left, she asked my opinion on a few things...she never would have done that in the past, fearful I would have been “dominant” in the conversation and made it seem like my opinion was the only one that mattered. 180 on that. Just listened, validated, and supported her thoughts.