Wow... when your brain and heart really decide to move on, it is pretty crazy how quickly it seems to happen. Had a great time at pool last night. I spent so many past league nights feeling sad and only partly there. Last night I was fully there and I laughed like I haven’t laughed in a very long time. It felt amazing!
And then this morning... another milestone moment. My H picks up our D11 on Tuesday and Thursday mornings to take her to tutoring. Normally, I am up and ready for the day and make a point of saying hi. This morning, I got up like I normally do but kind of coasted around and when he showed up, I was drying my hair so I didn’t bother saying hi. In fact, I almost forgot he was coming cause I was too busy getting ready and singing along to my favourite songs. I’m sure he probably thought I didn’t come out of my room on purpose and, in the past, he would have been right. But not this morning... this morning I just did my thing and honestly did not even think about wanting to see him or not wanting to see him.
Starting to explore the idea of dating and getting such a huge response to my OLD profile, I think, has been just what I needed to drop the rope. I think, deep down, my biggest fear was that I was too imperfect, too old, too unloveable to ever be appealing to anyone but the last week has shown me that is not the case and that quality people like me maybe aren’t as common as I thought. So allowing myself to be ruled by my fear and being willing to accept less than what I deserve from my STBXH, is no longer an option. I am only moving forward and I am going to make my life great!!! NO FEAR!!
Anyway...looking forward to my date with country music guy. Keeping my expectations in check and hoping to, at the very least, make a new friend. Wish me luck everyone!!! xoxo
