Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 7)

[sandi2]

She wants to go out to a St. Patrick's Day event with coworkers at Queen Mary in Long Beach. I told her I'd check.

Implied is I would feed myself and put boys to bed.

Thing is, last Sunday, when I chaperoned Winter Formal, she needed her Mom over to help her with all that.

What's my play?

Tell her "I have plans," or be the bigger man / parent and take care of myself and boys whereas she needed help?

You would be the bigger man by taking care of yourself? What does that mean.........like feeding yourself?

I could write a book about the above quote, but I'll cut to the chase and tell you to just be honest and do the right thing. You did not make previous plans, and you would be worse than a jerk to lie or find some kind of fake GAL just to spite her. And if you do, she'll probably not give you a two week notice anymore. So, yeah......keep your kids.

I have seen others mention that for GAL, just go ahead and make plans if you say ‘I have plans,’ and be vague about the details, though I’m not sure if that would apply to me here, and perhaps I’ve misunderstood.

Reading and applying DB advice to your current situation is kind of the same principle as the application of scripture. If you don't have discernment, you could really make the situation a lot worse.

I don't recommend that you try to book ever Sat & Sun on the calendar, as some way to prevent her from going out. You just open yourself for more contention between the two of you. It doesn't really pay off.

I can’t help but wonder if sometimes she wants to have it both ways with me. Around the time she asked me, she talked about being invited to an Easter Egg Hunt at a friend / coworker’s place, who has a daughter about OS’ age. She talked about it being ‘the boys’ earlier that day, and then just her later that night. I don’t think I factor into that equation at all. And, I haven’t exactly been factoring into the family time equation with her very much recently anyway. W and her mom always take the boys places, or her mom is over to help out. I sometimes feel like I don’t matter—because she’s fired me as H?

It doesn't sound to me like she wants it both ways. Having it both ways is when they try to live like a single woman and still have H included other times to play happy family. You sound as if you are surprised that she is phasing you out of the picture. You have asked the question what does she expect. What did you expect, Bo?

Thing is, is that if we end up D’ing, her mom will be here every step of the way to help her out.

So what? It's no skin off your back! If your W is that incompetent, I would think you would feel better knowing grandma is there to help out.

I apologize if this sounds mean or bitter, but what exactly would she expect if we D? She gets invited out and I’m already busy? Better call mom, or find something / someone else.

That's is pretty much the layout for a divorced working mother.

I believe it was SoTorn who mentioned it earlier on my thread, but it seems like W only needs or wants me around when it’s convenient for her. That’s not a partnership, either.

Well......yeah, when it's convenient for her! The only way she sees the two of you in a partnership is parenting those kids. You are the one who sounds as if you aren't facing reality. Why would she want you around other than when she needs you for something? Why do you feel you should be included in her plans with the boys?